Marriage Jokes

The difference between marriage and death? Dead people are free.

The only one of your children who does not grow up and move away is your husband.

The theory used to be you marry an older man because they are more mature. The new theory is that men don’t mature. So you might as well marry a younger one.

There’s a way of transferring funds that is even faster than electronic banking. It’s called marriage. — James Holt McGavran

Second marriage is the triumph of hope over experience.

To keep your marriage brimming
With love in the marriage cup,
Whenever you’re wrong, admit it,
Whenever you’re right, shut up. — Nash

A little boy, at a wedding looks at his mom and says, “Mommy, why does the girl wear white?” His mom replies, “The bride is in white because she’s happy and this is the happiest day of her life.” The boy thinks about this, and then says, “Well then, why is the boy wearing black?”


9 replies

  1. We should discourage such negative jokes about marriages in these days when the concept of marriage is heavily under attack. The Western society through its influential people, media and news is deliberately trying to make the concept of marriage a joke, and we should not become an accessory to spread their message.

    A joke once in a while might be called funny but for last year or so I have been noticing a significant increase in circulation of such negative jokes being spread via emails and blogs, which show marriage as a problematic and cumbersome relationship. And to see a similar thing even on TMT was disappointing.

  2. I wonder whether this would be considered a ‘negative’ or a ‘positive’ marriage joke:

    Once upon a time a man who had three wives died. When he came towards the angels dividing who should go to heaven or hell immediately the angel said ‘let him pass through the gate of heaven, he has been in hell already’ …

  3. Here I would like to share the sense of humour of the Holy Prophet SAW:

    1.An old woman came to the Prophet (pbuh) and said: “O Messenger of God, ask God to admit me into the Heavenly Gardens.” He said: “Old women will not enter the Heavenly Gardens!” She then walked away crying. The Prophet (pbuh) said: “Tell her that she will not enter the Heavenly Gardens as an old woman” for Allah says: Verily, We have created them (maidens) of special creation. And made them virgins. Loving (their husbands only), (and) of equal age. [56:35-7]

    2.He was once sitting with his cousin, Ali, eating dates out of a bag. The Prophet (pbuh) thought of playing a joke on his cousin. After eating a date, he would quietly slip its stone into the pile lying in front of Ali. When they had finished eating the dates, the Prophet (pbuh) remarked. “Let us see who has eaten most of the dates.” Surely the pile of date-stones lying in front of Ali was bigger. On this the Prophet (pbuh) smiled. However Ali, realizing the joke, replied “Ah sure, it seems you were so hungry that you ate the dates along with the stones!” On this, both of them burst into laughter.

  4. “Well then, why is the boy wearing black?”
    Still remains unanswered. Normally boy seems happiest on wedding day as for the rest of his life he is aught to stay sad. Wedding dress should change and current practice to go vice versa.

  5. Just to add your vision even if one had two will be permitted to go to paradise. So all those married twice can breath easily. Those who could not may stirve to gain paradise through this method if otherwise not getting qualified.

  6. From where you found that for serious decisions one has to put on black. In Pakistan lawyers always remain in black coat. Armour regiments of paksitan Army always put on black overall combination for uniform. Any way I preferred white shalwar qameez.

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