Be a good wife in Ramadan

Be a good wife in Ramadan

Women members of Saaed group prepare food to be given out as iftar meals for the poor and internally displaced Syrians during the month of Ramadan in Damascus, Syria, on June 18, 2016. (REUTERS/Omar Sanadiki)


Talking about the virtues of a good wife most guys would say, beauty comes first. Next… she should be homely, docile, and good in kitchen.

Remember hearing how the tag of being a good girl was thrown about, around you, as you were growing up.

Silence is indeed golden but if you don’t speak up, at the blatant abuse and violation of your rights, it must be said you have become your own worst enemy. Take a stand when you feel you are denied your natural rights and the rights granted to you by your religion.

Find an apt time to speak, but don’t bicker. Ask any guy and the one thing he hates most is your constant bickering. But should you bicker, bicker the literary way. Talk politely yet firmly when you find his behavior unpleasant.

Respect is what men covet most. Do it willingly: Even during disputes and arguments, never ever make the mistake of using insulting and demeaning terms of reference for him and people he loves — his parents, sisters, etc. So, be careful with your words, not just with him, but with everyone around you.

The burden of words is too heavy to carry: As they say, you don’t know people, unless they open their mouths. Refined language and a genuine genial tone of utterance are certainly wonderful things to have in your kitty. Minds of men and women work differently. If a man’s works like a set of different boxes, one open at a given time; a woman’s is like a browser with several windows all open at the same time. That’s what perhaps gives us women an edge and the advantage of multitasking. That said, let’s try to grasp the innate difference that nature has bestowed the two genders with. It’s a general complaint that men are not available emotionally; you can’t lean on their ’emotional’ shoulders because they have none. This surely is heart breaking. Many times, this not being available emotionally is not because he doesn’t love you, but because his mind works differently. Hence you may find him holler, watching a cricket match instead of being with you, listening to your woes or how your day went. Try to understand. Give him his own space where he will get rejuvenated and be refreshed to come back to you. Men feel suffocated if they are chased down with incessant demand on their time and attention. 

Women need to have a life of their own: Get a life of your own. Develop a hobby, read books, go out or do something for a cause. Invite children from underprivileged backgrounds and teach them for an hour or so. This will give you a sense of fulfillment, a sense of purpose. Most of all it won’t make you feel less worthy, because he didn’t have time for you.

He will start cherishing you more and appreciate you more when you have your own things that interest you other than him. Go to your mother, lean on the shoulders of your sisters, female friends cousins for that extra-essential emotional support. It’s a basic human right, hubbies should not resent,

Accept the fact that men, many times would be emotionally absent and move on. You have your own hobbies and interests.

Stop being boring and predictable: Charm him with your smile. Do things that please him. Your husband must realize the effort you are putting into your marriage, else you might feel disappointed. Anyway, there is no harm in taking the lead. He is your husband but he has his parents, his people to whom he is attached, like all of us. He may give in to your tactics and machination for the time being, but he resents you inwardly. Respect your in laws, even if you can’t love them. Women stop caring for their appearance after a stage. This can be a serious mistake. Go for a walk, get back into shape and remain there. Be attractive and look beautiful. 

It’s highly probable that he, coming home after eight hours of work and two hours of commute, may not notice your look.

Stop feeling frustrated at his non-response. You are your own best friend and admirer.

Enjoy your own company. Be your own friend.

Now let us have a look at how our beloved Prophet (peace be upon him) conducted himself with his wives. He took out time for each of them, talked to them about his day and listened to their tales. He even would attend his wife’s story sessions. He helped them in household work. He gave them sweet nick names and took them out on expeditions, raced with them where once he won and teased the loser. He would joke with them, tease them. He was not shy of proclaiming his love openly for them in public. Yes, you have read it right. Once he was asked whom did he love most; and his answer was Aishah. The questioner quickly shot another salvo, saying his question was about the men. Ponder over the second reply of my beloved Prophet (peace be upon him), Aishah’s father.

Notice even the second reference was not without the name of the woman whom he said, he loved most.


3 replies

  1. The Qur’an has described the marriage relationship in these terms; “Among His signs is the fact that he has created spouses from among yourselves, so that you may find tranquillity with them; and he has put love and mercy between you. In that are signs for people who reflect.” (30:21) and again: “They (wives) are garments for you, while you are garments for them.”( 2:187)

    The Holy Prophet, peace and blessings of Allah be upon him, has said,
    “The best of you are those who behave best towards their wives.”

    How did the Prophet (saws) himself exemplify this kindness?

    Firstly he was not a difficult or remote or tyrannical husband of the type who regards all
    household chores as “women’s work”. In a Hadith, Hazrat Aisha (ra) was asked, what the Prophet used to do in the house. She replied: “He used to work for his family, that is serve his family, and when prayer time came, he went out for prayer.”

    Other Hadith tell us that he used to mend his own clothes.

    Secondly he didn’t make a fuss about food. It is recorded in a Hadith from Abu Hurairah
    (ra) “Allah’s Messenger never found fault with food. If he liked something, he ate it, and if he
    disliked it, he just abstained from it.” He never complained about the food or it’s cooking.

    Hazrat Aisha (raa) reported that whenever she was sick, the Prophet (saws) would come
    to her to show his sympathy. Nor, was he ashamed to let it be known that his love for his
    wife was greater than his love for any other human being.

    It is recorded in the Hadith that someone asked the Prophet: “Who among all the people is most beloved by you?” And he said “Aisha”. This love and understanding for Hazrat Aisha did not eclipse his high regard for his first wife Khadijah, who had been his only wife for about 25 years until her death.

    Hazrat Aisha (raa) reported that he always treasured the memory of Khadijah who had
    supported and encouraged him through the difficult years in Mecca, and that he used to
    regularly give gifts to Hazrat Khadijah’s closest friends as an expression of his undiminished
    esteem and love for her.

    I hope that all Muslim brethren in general will try their utmost to maintain the rights of their spouses as directed by the Holy Quran and the Holy Prophet of Islam, thus making their lives happy and successful.

    The Holy Quran teaches us to make every effort in creating a happy environment at home and offer prayers to Allah to achieve this goal, because nothing good can be attained without the grace and help of God. Almighty Allah has mentioned such fortunate people in the following verse of the Holy Qur’an. “And those who say, ‘Our Lord, grant us of our wives and children the delight of our eyes and make us a model for the righteous.” ( 25: 75).

    May Allah enable us to fulfill our duties.

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