Source: ET
1. Her sleeping habits
On the two days that she is home, my daughter-in-law (DIL) will lock herself in her room — with my grandson — and sleep for hours. She won’t come out till midday. This is neither a dorm nor a hotel room, young lady!
2. The takeover
It took me years, maybe decades, to get the house to look a certain way. It’s only been one year since DIL moved in but she has already rearranged the entire house and brought in new furniture. And I can’t stand the new look! Why do we need uncomfortable sofas, cushions everywhere, and lamps that barely give any light?
3. The mess
I refrain from walking into her room without asking, but even if I pass by it in the morning, I can see clothes thrown around everywhere, every cupboard flung open and my son’s socks strewn in the room like confetti.
Categories: Laughter is the best medicine
In laws of DIL should expect and accept a major change in the setting and arrangement of the house. If she does this it means she has her interest in the house. That should be taken as good sign. At teh same times if there are some certain things of which their moving may cause some inconvenience to the mil it must not be moved. Considering her old age.
A dil has the same rights in the house but the mil has some extra privileges because of her seniority. At the same time the dil should be shown more consideration to good treatment from mil to encourage her for being young, new to home and being inexperienced.. Hence her mistakes or flaws be ignored or politely conveyed. If dil is a working lady then she must have an extra sleep until late on the weekends.
Life is give and take.
For MIL there is a piece of advice that bahu cannot be exactly what she used to be.. So never expect that. Yes with love care and constant patience she can learn something from you too.
A DIL is here with you to keep the name of your family alive. Remember she has to do it with her blood and bones. So she needs respect and care too.
Some women say serving the parents is only the son’s obligation. DIL is exempt. Though it is true,and according to a Hadith a mother has the most right on a son.Yet serving the aged parents of your husband cannot be non of your concern. As whatever help they can lend through the times of child birth and they are the ones that brought you with much rejoicing and hopes. Son is mostly out for the job.And if a DIL is stay in home lady why not she too take care of their needs. It is absolutely humanity.
We should have respect for the elders. Specially for the mother of our Husband. She should be respected as one’s own mother. Same way a DIL should too be cared like a real Daughter.As they say one’s real daughters are DIL’s because they are there to stay with you. Whereas your own daughter have to leave you because of their husbands and homes.
Moving in with parents is never a good idea, unless there are completely separate quarters. Young people need their independence, where they can build their own home in their own fashion and have privacy, free from interference from elders. There should be mutual respect, and help for each other when needed. Parents do not own their children, and once a boy and girl get married they become a new and separate unit. That’s the only way for all to be happy. As people become more educated and have the resources, the old traditions will change.
I would not put it that ‘definite’. With mutual respect it can be very nice to live together. Grand Parents will be ‘ready made’ baby-sitters. Among my family we have an example. The ‘bride’ is living together with her in-laws (not out of financial necessity, alhamdolillah). For the first 15 years or so everything was shared. There was only one (active) kitchen. Only recently the villa was modified into separate apartments. Yes, ‘the bride’ is appreciating the additional privacy. Her daughters however also appreciate the grandmother nearby (and surely the other way round).
I agree with you brother. The bliss of a joint family is something that good people enjoy a lot. Living separate has nothing do do with a definite happiness. Modernism teaches us tolerance.
I have seen a very literate decent and wise mother here abroad in our Pakistani Ahamdi community that would keep reminding their University student daughter that whatever education you may achieve you should remember when you reach your in-laws you have to make them happy by respect and care. I can remember her say. When you will do cooking ask you must mother in-law what she would like to be cooked. I really appreciated her.
If mothers prepared their daughters in a positive way they will not only learn to be a good wife but also a good human.
I mean no one can be better then a person who takes care of the elders that God has assigned us to obey and respect.
It is said the time that a person spends with his ageing parents to make them happy becomes a cause to enter paradise.
And if a persons parents are not happy that day his salaat will not be accepted.
Disobeying parents is next big sin to Shirk.
I remember when my father in-law were alive he lived with us for sometime. After he would finish his prayers he would ask me to hand over my son to him. He would take him in his loving lap and pray for him . How I miss that now since he is no more. May Allah exalt his status in heaven. We could feel the blessing that would accompany him.If anyone has a chance to live in joint family with good people he/she would wish nothing but a joint family. I always wanted it. But sadly had to live alone mostly.
It is like a playback of the past in future. We should accept it as we are living in a developed first World.
People are already adopted this change. But have lost the bliss of a true family spirit. And are wondering what went wrong.