Credit: ET

Smile and (tsunami) wave – The politician. DESIGN: AMNA IQBAL & ESSA MALIK

Much like the scorned mullah, the dars Aunty’s default settings are programmed in a manner that will surely drown you in self-loathing. She will seize every opportunity to tell you what women are not allowed to do, which is pretty much everything from watching The Dark Knight Rises during your roza to stepping out with friends after dinner, to having friends in the first place. She will go as far as to tell you the exact number of paces a woman has to walk behind her mehram escort while she ferociously prays for your forgiveness on her tasbih.

2- I’m allergic to cheep – The rich socialite

She carries an Hermes Birkin and will need an extra chair for it at the table. She knows everyone who’s worth knowing and will be snapped with that worthy lot at various events — pictures of which will then appear in The Express Tribune’s “Spotted in Hermes” column. Her husband is the second most important accessory after her Birkin and her love for him is inversely proportional to his objections to her daily socialising.

3- Yeh zameen humari hai (literally) – The feudal

Poor Tehmina Durrani couldn’t do much to wipe out feudal culture with her insightful publication that did not at all sound like a personal rant of a bored housewife. This description of a prototypical feudal lord is not at all exaggerated: he lords over his own little kingdom while his son parades around in a monster-sized vehicle with guns for accessories (think “Wadeiray Ka Beta”). But there has been some evolution over the years.  Most of them now have ‘foreign degrees’! Yup, even their feudal princesses ‘go abroad’ to college. The lifestyles, however, remain the same (refer to the rich aunty for details).

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