Vatican finally accepts, Jesus is not Going to Come Back?

Source: Waterford Whispers News is a fabricated satirical newspaper and comedy website published by Waterford Whispers News.

A SPOKESPERSON for the Vatican, Cardinal Giorgio Salvadore, has officially announced today that the second coming of Jesus, the only son of the God, may not happen now after all, but urged followers to still continue with their faith, regardless of the news.

Vatican on Jesus

Cardinal Giorgio Salvadore told WWN that this years 1,981st anniversary is to be the Vatican’s last in regards to waiting for the Lord to return to Earth.

“We just feel Jesus is not coming back by the looks of it.” he said. “It’s been ages like. He’s probably flat out doing other really good things for people somewhere else.”

Nearly two thousand years ago, Jesus promised his disciples that he would come again in chapter John 14:1-3 of the bible: “There are many homes up where my Father lives, and I am going to prepare them for your coming. When everything is ready, then I will come and get you, so that you can always be with Me where I am. If this weren’t so, I would tell you plainly”

The Vatican defended Jesus’ broken promise, claiming “he was probably drinking wine” at the time when he made the comments.

“Having the ability to turn water into wine had its ups and its downs.” added Cardinal Salvadore. “We all make promises we can’t keep when we’re drunk. Jesus was no different.”

The church said it will now focus attentions on rebuilding its reputation around the world, but will keep an optimistic mind for the savior’s second coming.

Read similar news @

For Ahmadiyya Muslim perspective on Jesus’ life, crucifixion and death, please click here

Additional Reading

The Bible Quotes: The Second Coming Of Jesus

Breaking News: Jesus Did Not Die for Our Sins


8 replies

  1. St. Paul got the second coming wrong, he predicted that Jesus will be coming back in the life time of the generation, which was alive during his time. He perhaps misinterpreted the first coming also.

    Jesus did not die for our sins.

  2. Considering the source, i.e. Waterford Whispers News, why should we pass on information from a fabricated satirical newspaper and comedy website? Our scholarship should be more creditable.

  3. Please do not delete my respond even do not share with your beliefs. love all people, means love all different belief, thought,race and gender. May God bless you.
    quote; Nearly two thousand years ago, Jesus promised his disciples that he would come again in chapter John 14:1-3 of the bible: “There are many homes up where my Father lives, and I am going to prepare them for your coming. When everything is ready, then I will come and get you, so that you can always be with Me where I am. If this weren’t so, I would tell you plainly”unquote.
    I believe that based on Al Quran, Jesus’s soul already came,600 years after Jesus’s death, his name is Ahmad or Muhammad (saw). Prophet Muhammad (saw) fulfilled Jesus ‘s teaching. Al Quran is a final testament, the last laws from God.

    All love

  4. I thought this satirical piece is worth sharing as there have been groups of Christians, predicting that second coming is going to happen any minute, starting from the very first generation of the Christians.

    “Then will appear the sign of the Son of Man in heaven. And then all the peoples of the earth will mourn when they see the Son of Man coming on the clouds of heaven, with power and great glory. And he will send his angels with a loud trumpet call, and they will gather his elect from the four winds, from one end of the heavens to the other.

    “Now learn this lesson from the fig tree: As soon as its twigs get tender and its leaves come out, you know that summer is near. Even so, when you see all these things, you know that it is near, right at the door. Truly I tell you, this generation will certainly not pass away until all these things have happened. Heaven and earth will pass away, but my words will never pass away.” (Mathew 24:30-35)

    This story is in all three of the Olivet Discourse accounts. (These accounts are to be found in Matthew 24:1-51, Mark 13:1-37, and Luke 21:5-33). For some time, critics of the Christian faith have argued that Jesus explicitly said here that all of the events prophesied in the Olivet Discourse, including His return, would happen before the last person living at that time died.

    Christian thinker and apologist C.S. Lewis despaired at finding a solution to it. Lewis reluctantly conceded to the assertion of the skeptics that Jesus was in error. He attributed this to the limited knowledge Jesus had in His incarnate human form. He wrote:

    “Say what you like,” we shall be told [by some critics], “the apocalyptic beliefs of the first Christians have been proved to be false. It is clear from the New Testament that they all expected the Second Coming in their own lifetime. And, worse still, they had a reason, and one which you will find very embarrassing. Their Master had told them so. He shared, and indeed created, their delusion. He said in so many words, ‘This generation shall not pass till all these things be done.’ And he was wrong. He clearly knew no more about the end of the world than anyone else.” [Here the imaginary critics end speaking. CS Lewis begins next.]

    It is certainly the most embarrassing verse in the Bible. Yet how teasing, also, that within fourteen words of it should come the statement “But of that day and that hour knoweth no man, no, not the angels which are in heaven, neither the Son, but the Father.” The one exhibition of error and the one confession of ignorance grow side by side.

    It would be nice to write a whole book on this phenomenon in Christianity, generation after generation, and how they have failed to realize that the second coming, may in fact be in Islam and not in the form, they have been waiting for the last 2000 years, just like the Jews are waiting for the first Messiah, for even longer.

  5. Great post. As chair of INTERFAITH AMERICA, I get to meet A LOT OF Church leaders here in SFO Bay area. Once traveling in BART I truck a conversation with a local priest who blatantly said that most American are moving away from the previous Christian doctrines and consider Jesus as human and not God. As such not being God Jesus cannot be alive and his return is questionable.

  6. In Matthew Chapter 24, Yeshua warns the disciples of what will take place. The most ignorant part to most American Preachers here, is that the disciples came to Yeshua “privately”. The three questions they asked did not all pertain to them, but also to a future generation of people in Israel. Yeshua was obligated to be truthful in answering the questions, regarding the destruction of the second Temple, the sign of his coming, and the end of the age.

    The disciples may have expected this to happen ALL in their lifetime, but as the Christian bible states, the disciples were blind to most of Yeshua’s teachings, and thus why he spoke in parables. Yeshua told the disciples things that would happen to them, things that would happen in a not so distant future, and things that were going to happen towards the end of the age. Some of the disciples were killed and placed in prison as he stated, the Temple was destroyed in 70 AD as he stated, and the end of the age along with those things that would occur at the end of the age have yet to be fulfilled. As the Apostle Paul stated after his revelation of the mystery of the Rapture, not all of us shall sleep. Paul was referring to “us” as “Christians”..and not those he was talking to specifically. Yeshua and the harvest of redemption is soon to take place. We are the generation that will see his return. He will harvest the faithful, then at the end of the tribulation period those that have died for their faith shall be resurrected…..The things he talked about in Matthew 24, were not all inclusive to the time he spoke.

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