By Abida Ruby for The Muslim Times  —

The culture and traditions give us a sense of identity or belonging to a specific group, ethnicity, country/nationality, religion etc. These are handed down by one generation to another and are observed with religious zeal in most cultures. In most of the countries now, the culture and traditions have turned into insane and in some instances harmful rituals, which has taken over the lives of people.

The Pakistani culture is intermingled and influenced by Hindu culture immensely as both the cultures co-existed in the ‘Indo-Pak’ sub continent for more than hundred years and intermingled in such a way that both lost their identities and somehow rituals became more dominant and now control people’s lives. Many a times the rituals override religion/s and become a fundamental part of it, in spite of the contrary beliefs in the specific religion/s.

Islam prohibits all such rituals in all the festive occasions, ceremonies and other get-togethers, which may make people’s lives miserable by having to spend a great amount of money and become indebted and pay for the rest of their lives. Simplicity is pivotal to and is a beauty of Islam where even the poorest of poor man can live their lives to their fullest.

The Hindu culture is flooded with colorful and decorative festivities and lengthy ceremonial procedures requiring exorbitant amounts of money for all such occasions. The marriage ceremonies cannot be complete without a chain of colorful events/functions with multiple food dishes and desserts, exchange of expensive gifts and exorbitant dowry. Other ceremonies are also celebrated with the same zeal. Their religious festivities have also been marred by such rituals and superstitions.

Unfortunately the Muslim inhabitants of the indo-Pak subcontinent slowly and gradually started incorporating these rituals into their daily lives and soon these rituals became part and parcel of their lives and also their religion which is strictly against all the rituals and customs which can be detrimental to the society. Now, sadly all the ceremonies including marriage, birth, death and scores of others cannot be complete without these rituals.

For instance, the marriage ceremonies have become such a huge event that for an average person it is nearly impossible to get married or get their children married without getting indebted for life. Even before the ceremony itself, the ordeal of seeing the girl, setting terms/date of marriage and other functions and score of other things, a number of visits/meetings are arranged which also require lavish food arrangement, new clothes, gift exchanges etc.

The marriage ceremony itself is extended over a period of 5 to 6 days and sometimes more. Before the actual wedding day, a number of events has to be arranged and observed by poor or rich alike. One of it is Maayun (a substance called ubtan is applied all over the skin of the bride to be, to make her skin glow) along with dholki (sort of small drum with two sides beaten with hands-musical instrument). Along with dholki, the girls and the boys from both sides (bride and groom) sing and dance and have a competition and sometimes this event turns ugly due to exchange of vulgar songs and comments. These singing/dancing ceremonies continue throughout night/s without considering the inconvenience of the neighbors around, contrary to the Islamic teachings.

Also, when the ubtan is applied (everyday till the wedding day and sometimes this goes on for 1-2 weeks) the bride to be is prohibited to bathe or shower which is again contrary to the Islamic teachings which says that cleanliness is half of your faith and also to pray five times/day (one of the main pillars of Islam), ablution is required.

After the Mayun functions (2-3 or more days), there are functions/gatherings for Mehndi (Henna ceremony-henna is applied to the bride’s hands and feet and also to other girls/women) at both bride’s and groom’s houses (2 days event atleast). People compete with each other to have the most unique, expensively furnished stage for the function along with lavish food with multiple savory and sweet dishes. Many people are invited and colorful/expensive dresses, jewelry, songs and dances (which mostly end up becoming vulgar and ugly leading to fights also in many instances between the bride and groom sides)  are the key features of these functions which starts very late and can continue throughout the night.

The whole wedding event is a stage show to impress others by holding a number of colorful events. The deal about the dowry (dresses, jewelry, household items and much more from bride side) is set before the wedding and then is shown to all the guests. If something is missing in the deal set before, the groom’s side can make a big issue and threatens to cancel the wedding right on the day of the event.  The dowry system is very prominent in Hindu culture and the brides can be burnt to death if the dowry is not appropriate or according to the wishes of groom’s parents. This dowry culture has gradually crept into Pakistani culture also and now is one of  the most important feature of the wedding.

The grand function of the wedding day is also planned for months. Elaborate stage for the bride and groom is set, beauty parlor services are availed for the bride and her close relatives and friends. Nowadays grooms also avail these services. The guests invited also come in new, glittering and expensive clothes and jewelry. Once the bride and groom are married, a number of rituals follows which goes on till after midnight and sometimes during these rituals, serious misunderstandings/fights ensues, ending in marred relationship between the bride and groom sides before the actual relationship even begins. All such rituals and traditions are abhorred in Islam and strictly forbidden, yet these rituals have taken a precedence in such a way that religion Islam has taken a back seat in all spheres of life.

The last function is Valima (after marriage) which is actually the only ceremony to be celebrated according to Islam. The main objective of this function is to announce the wedding to the public so the girl is not exploited by any means. This ceremony is arranged by the groom’s side and in Islam, it should be simple, inviting friends, neighbors, relatives to the simple meal or tea or whatever the groom can afford, to celebrate the union of two people. This function has also become so ritualized and ridiculously lavish that it has lost the spiritual purpose and meaning of the event.

It is painfully astonishing that although miserable and burdened by such rituals and knowing fully well the destructive effects of such illogical, insane cultural traditions/rituals,  no one has a courage to raise their voice against these as these have become the norm of the society at large. With this orthodox mentality of the majority which is getting worse everyday, the sane minority can make little difference if at all.