A public school teacher was arrested today at John F. Kennedy International airport as she attempted to board a flight while in possession of a ruler, a protractor, a compass, a slide-rule and a calculator.
Attorney General Eric Holder said he believes she is a member of the notorious Al-Gebra movement. He did not identify the woman, who has been charged by the FBI with carrying Weapons of Math Instruction.
“Al-Gebra is a problem for us.” the Attorney General said. “They go off on tangents, use code names like ‘X’ and ‘Y’ and refer to themselves as ‘unknowns;’ but we have determined that they belong to a common denominator of the axis of medieval with coordinates in every country.”
As the Greek philosopher Isosceles used to say, “There are 3 sides to every triangle.”
When asked to comment on the arrest, President Obama said, “If God had wanted us to have better weapons of math instruction, he would have given us more fingers and toes.”
Reporters could not recall a more profound statement by the President.
It is believed that another Nobel Prize will follow.