Clean and Thoughtful Jokes
The groom says to his lovely bride “Honey, I need to go to work, I’ll see you pretty soon?” The bride said with a sad voice “Why, don’t you see me pretty now?”
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A reporter interviewed a 135-year-old woman. “And what do you think is the best thing about being over a hundred?” the reporter asked. She simply replied, “No peer pressure.”
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“We’ve got to hire another chauffeur,” said the steamed husband, coming home from work. “He nearly killed me today!”
“Oh,” said his wife, “Give him another chance.”
JJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJ
(Be positive) A small boy is sent to bed by his father…
[Five minutes later]
“Da-ad…”
“What?”
“I’m thirsty. Can you bring me a drink of water?”
“No. You had your chance. Lights out.”
[Five minutes later]
“Da-aaaad…”
“WHAT?”
“I’m THIRSTY…Can I have a drink of water??”
“I said no! If you ask again I’ll have to spank you!”
[Five minutes later]
“DaaaaaaaaD…”
“WHAT??!!”
“When you come in to spank me, can you bring me a drink of water?”
JJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJ
Categories: Humour, Laughter is the best medicine
CLEAN JOKES
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Peace be on you.
A person wrote a story and took it to editor of a magazine.
Person: I have written this story and I have many more in my shelf. Please accept it.
Editor: (after reading): Please save this one in the shelf too.
An expert of ancient pottery was going village to village to find something antique. At a small shop, he saw a cat is licking milk from a little ancient cup. He thought if he directly asked about the cup, shopkeeper may ask lot of money. So he asked the shopkeeper to sell the cat to him in 1000 $. Shopkeeper sold it….. Then the expert said to shopkeeper to give that pot too as cat was ‘used to it’.
The village-shopkeeper smiled, refused and then said, ” Since morning I have sold a dozen cats because of this pot.”
= A man came back to veterinary doctor [who had given him medicine powder to drop in cow’s mouth by using a little wooden tube], his eyes were being red, and he was sneezing.
Doctor: What happened, did you follow my instructions?
Man: Yes I did but the cow blew first !
= Doctor to a man: It seems that your regular visits and my prescriptions are giving you benefit.
Patient: Yes, but less than the benefit you are getting from me.
= Someone asked a hockey player: How is your brother doing in college?
He is half back.
No, I mean how he is doing in studies.
He is full-back.
= Wife: Why is baby crying?
Husband: He is not sleeping.
W: Sing lullaby.
H: I did, but neighbours shouted that baby crying was better.
A: Difference between a fly and a mosquito?
B: They are related to ‘health care’; one ‘examines’ other ‘injects’.
A: What is two minus two?
B: I have not understood the question!
A: Again, if you have two breads, and you eat both, what are you left with?
B: Curry only.
mUCH More @ http://www.religiousforums.com/threads/clean-jokes.156276/