Lincoln Memorial, Washington Monument and US Capitol Hill

Source: The Guardian

By Melyssa Haffaf, who is a PhD Candidate in Francophone Literature and Cultural Studies at the University of Miami

Though I mastered the French language and most of the cultural codes, people often reminded me that I was not exactly ‘French’. That doesn’t happen here

I was born in Algeria in the mid-1980s in a middle-class, secular family deeply attached to democratic values. I grew up speaking French, Arabic and sometimes Berber. My childhood was filled with summers by the beach, simple pleasures like eating fresh watermelon on the sand, Friday visits to the market with my father and the weekly traditional couscous with a glass of leben, a dairy beverage. But the innocence of my childhood was soon disrupted by a civil war.

Algeria experienced an “Arab Fall” in 1988, which led to a war between armed Islamic groups and the Algerian army and state. Many journalists, intellectuals, artists were among about 200,000 Algerians who died under the blades and bullets of these fanatic murderers. Almost overnight, the face of Algerian society changed and entered one of the darkest times of its history.

During the paroxysm of the war in the mid-90s, my parents decided that it was safer to temporarily move to France, as my mother had received death threats. It was a return “home” for her as she was born and raised in France by immigrant Algerian parents.

I remember feeling grateful that I could finally walk down the street without being scared. But yet, I often felt out of place. I encountered racism for the first time and discovered what it was to be an outsider. I was surprised to discover that Algerians were not exactly well received and welcome. I did not know then, considering my age, the complicated intricacies inherited from colonial times.

Though I mastered the French language and most of the cultural codes, people often reminded me that I was not exactly “French”. I remember people always asking if I felt more Algerian or French or which country I preferred and I never knew which box I was supposed to check.

I then started college and turned into the “typical” leftwing, feminist in the making, studying philosophy and sociology at the Sorbonne. I was very critical of American foreign policy – especially the war in Iraq. My political views have not drastically changed since then, but they have become more nuanced and pragmatic.

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