“Jesus Not Coming Back By The Looks Of It” Admits Vatican


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Source: Waterford Whispers News, an Irish satirical newspaper

A SPOKESPERSON for the Vatican has officially announced today that the second coming of Jesus, the only son of the God, may not happen now after all, but urged followers to still continue with their faith, regardless of the news.

“We just feel Jesus is not coming back by the looks of it.” he said. “It’s been ages like. He’s probably flat out doing other really good things for people somewhere else.”

Nearly two thousand years ago, Jesus promised his disciples that he would come again in chapter John 14:1-3 of the bible: “There are many homes up where my Father lives, and I am going to prepare them for your coming. When everything is ready, then I will come and get you, so that you can always be with Me where I am. If this weren’t so, I would tell you plainly”


The Vatican defended Jesus’ broken promise, claiming “he was probably drinking wine” at the time when he made the comments.

“Having the ability to turn water into wine had its ups and its downs.” added Cardinal Salvadore. “We all make promises we can’t keep when we’re drunk. Jesus was no different.”

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9 replies

  1. The actual article above is a satire but the reality is that according to Bible, Jesus was to come back within a generation and it is 2000 years later and the majority of the Christians are waiting.

    • It’s only been 2 days since Jesus was on earth, a thousand years is equivalent to a day in God’s time according to the bible,We are in the last of the last days and Jesus said there will be scoffed and mockers in these last days and unless you become like little children cannot enter into the gates of heaven,And we will know the season according to the bible ,we are in the season,just before the seven year tribulation true belivers will be raptured God hasn’t appointed us to his wrath,today is the day of your salvation,anyone who calls on the name of the Lord will be saved ,repent of your sins believe that Jesus died for our sins and rose again on third day and you will be given the gift of eternal.life.

      • if one day is a thousand years then seven years will be a long, long time …

        We do not belief that Jesus needed to die for our sins. God is fully capable and able and willing to forgive us directly.

  2. Strangely all the signs given by Holy Jesus for his 2nd coming, Matthew 24:23-24 has been fulfilled and nothing left behind e.g wars,roomers of wars, earth quacks, mass murder of people, spread of plague etc.
    Jesus also said that he will come on clouds like thieves in the Dark…
    Elijah to descend from Heaven as forerunner of Messiah, Jesus said that was john the Baptist.
    From above it is clear that on the one side Coming of Messiah would be very obvious and with the same token it would be very darken as his coming is Metaphorical.
    He came and gone by and his 5th Successor is in UK for further information, please brows the following website http://www.alislam.org
    Zarif Ahmad

  3. Vatican has no hope that Jesus will come back as he promised but Muslim still believe he will come. He is alive in the skies but not not like the thief in the dark.It means that Jesus is right but Vatican’s story was created and proved wrong.
    Another story in the article that ” He must be busy in other good work” WHAT WORK god knows?

  4. Mr. gujar It’s not true That Jesus is alive up in Heaven or sky, the Holy Quran and the Sunnah do not support this notion, rather the Holy Quran directly or indirectly announced clearly the Death of Jesus and same has been proved by the Science and Documentaries of BBC and The Government of India, for your benefits and the public at large, I will paste the links below.
    Now doubt, that there is prophecy about the 2nd coming of Jesus as the Messiah, but that is Metaphorical, the person fro Ummah to be raised first to the rank of Merriam and then his rank would further be raised to Jesus or Eisa ibn-e-Merriam, while the Muslims took it literal and were mistaken. That very Prophet came in Qadian, India and his Name is Mirza Ghulam-e- Ahmad of Qadian.

    Please watch the above three links. Zarif Ahmad

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