By Manar Hijaz
As I prepare to say goodbye to 2012, I hope that I’ll also be saying goodbye to these 10 interesting questions I am occasionally asked. I am not providing this list to make fun of the individuals who have asked these questions, but as a means to answer them for the last time.
1. How did you feel about Bin Laden’s death?
It’s been over a year since U.S. Navy SEALs raided a compound in Pakistan and killed Osama Bin Laden yet I continually get asked how I feel about Bin Laden’s death. Those who ask, believe the question is an innocuous one and fail to realize the hateful connotation it illustrates. What these individuals are really asking is “Were you sad about Bin Laden’s death?” The assumption would be if I am, in fact, sad about his death then I, as a Muslim, support the murder of innocent individuals. It’s really an offensive question to ask. American Muslims were also attacked on 9/11. We were attacked twice. The first attack was on our country, and the second attack was on our religion. Islam denounces terrorism and rejects all forms of unlawful violence and killing of innocent civilians. We will never lament the death of any terrorist in the world.
2. Are you forced to wear “that thing” on your head?
It’s crazy how many variations of the same question I get about my hijab. One of the major misconceptions about Muslim women is that we are oppressed because veiling is linked with oppression. People are usually shocked to hear that wearing the hijab is 100% my decision. I have immediate family members who chose not to wear it and I respect their choices. I won’t deny that in some parts of the world women are forced to cover; however, this is not a representation of Islam. Islamic principles exist but whether or not Muslims choose to follow them is entirely their decision. So, before you assume that Muslim women cover because their husbands, fathers, brothers…forced them to, think again. Quite frankly, I don’t care what people think when they see me all covered up. I’ve always rejected the “Western” definitions of beauty that provide emphasis on physical sexuality. The hijab is my version of beautiful and wearing it makes me feel confident and modest. I don’t try to compete with other women for males’ approval of my physical appearance. I am happy to lose that competition.
3. How do I know you are not bald under that?
I usually get questions relating to my hair from men. I think it’s their way of hinting, politely, that they want to see my hair. Other males are more courageous in their approach. They get straight to the point: “Can’t you just show me your hair once?!” Sorry gentlemen, no sneak peeks unless you’re family or my future husband. No, I’m not bald, and you’re just going to have to take my word on this one.
4. Is your marriage arranged?
Nope! Unfortunately I have to go through the process of weeding out all the creepy douchebags, in search of “the one,” all on my own. I’m not lucky enough to have my parents provide me with a line up of eligible bachelors to choose from. Arranged marriages are not a characteristic of Islamic teachings; they are a cultural practice, not a religious one. There is a major misconception about many communities that engage in so-called “arranged” marriages. Most people believe the scenario goes a little something like this (I’ll use fake names):
Parents: “Jane, meet Alan.”
Jane: “Hi, Alan.”
Parents: “Great, you like him. You will be marrying this man tomorrow.”
Jane: “But…”
Parents: “No buts. This isn’t negotiable. Alan will be your husband and you have no choice in the matter.”
When in reality, most families who engage in so-called “arranged” marriages the actual incident is like this:
Parents: “Jane, do you know Alan? He is a very nice man I think you should meet him.”
Jane, while hesitant to do so, actually takes her parent’s advice and meets Alan. They date. Fall in love and THEN get married. Did the parents pick a person who they thought would make their daughter happy? Sure they did. It’s no different from being set on a blind date by your parents, friends, or coworkers. They are arranging a meeting between you and someone with the hopes that you will hit it off and live happily ever after. I wont deny that there are cases where women are not given a choice, which is very unfortunate and depressing, but again this isn’t a representation of Islamic principles.
Categories: Americas