Straight men need to stop using polyamory as an excuse to manipulate women into casual dating

It’s easy to see why someone interested in dating multiple women with zero commitment might see this as the perfect excuse, but polyamory in fact requires more commitment and trust than monogamy does

Something unsettling is happening in heterosexual dating.

It’s beyond the tactics of submarining, ghosting and whatever the hell you name a person’s lack of commitment when it comes to being a decent human being, but it’s in the same ballpark.

It would seem that women are experiencing a unique curveball on the dating scene, in which men who do not want to commit to a relationship are explaining away their dishonesty as “polyamory”. In the past six months alone, four men I’ve dated have used this as a way of masking their attempts to shirk commitment, and tried to pressure me into agreeing to an arrangement I had no interest in.

Speaking to other single women dating men, it would seem I’m definitely not alone.

There is a clear difference between a polyamorous person saying they’re polyamorous on the first date, and a guy who just doesn’t want to settle down using it as a shield to hide behind.

People who identify as polyamorous sometimes argue it is a sexual orientation akin to being gay or straight, while others see it as a lifestyle choice. Either way, polyamorous relationships are typically characterised by an intense sense of commitment – both to one’s primary partner and any additional relationships. It is about constant communication and respect, which allows for the fact that there is such a thing as ethical, consensual non-monogamy.


3 replies

  1. I agree! As a polyamorous relationship in a happy and exclusive arrangement that includes 3 partners I cringe when I hear about people using “polyamory” to con comittment-seekers in to casual relationships. My relationship has been feircly ​comitted ​nearly since the beginning and those misrepresenting polyamory to justify their own behaviours misrepresent and bring all of us down.

  2. I have seen a lot of this. I’m in a polyamorous relationship now. People will still try to date claiming their partner knows and they are in a poly relationship. So many are really just using the term to hunt for threesomes and their spouse doesn’t know a thing about it. It’s sad and disheartening for some.

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