Mullah Nasruddin – The Wise Jester

The stupid question

It was a pleasant winter morning and Mullah Nasruddin was sitting on a rocking chair and enjoying some half-boiled eggs that were liberally sprinkled with rock salt and pepper. A man happened to pass by and wondered why Mullah was sitting in a rocking chair out in the open and eating his meal.

Walking over, he inquired: “O Mullah, why are you sitting out in the open on a rocking chair and eating boiled eggs?”

Mullah looked him up and down scornfully and queried: “What would you rather have me doing? Sit on the boiled eggs and eat the rocking chair?”

Some people are in the habit of asking inane questions. Rather than replying such people, it is better to counter-query them to end the conversation abruptly.

******

The horse knows

The townspeople once noticed Mullah Nasruddin charging through the village on his steed. The horse was going at full gallop, its tail flying high and the mane flashing hither and thither. Mullah’s hair too was flying right back in the wind. Unknown to Mullah, the horse had actually taken fright on sighting a snake and bolted.

Thinking there could be something wrong, a neighbour inquired: “Mullah, where are you off to at such a furious gallop?”

Mullah Nasruddin looked back in genuine alarm: “I really don’t know! You’ll have to ask the horse!”

At times we don’t know where circumstances or our life lead us. We simply float with the tide, without trying to control or steer circumstances. But if we wish to achieve something worthwhile, we must control the reins of our life.

******

Turning with the tide

Qazi (judge) Nasruddin was busy working in his room one day when a neighbour ran in and inquired: “If one man’s cow kills another man’s cow, can the owner of the first cow be held responsible?”

“Oh, it depends!” Nasruddin hedged his reply.

“Well,” fumed the man, “your cow has killed mine.”

“Aha!” exclaimed Nasruddin, coming into his element. “As you know, everyone knows a cow cannot think like a human, so the cow is not responsible – and that means its owner is also not responsible!”

“I beg your pardon, Qazi,” said the cunning man. “I made a mistake. Actually, my cow killed yours!”

Qazi Nasruddin pondered the new revelation for a few seconds and then said: “On second thoughts, this case is not as simple and straightforward as I first thought…”

Turning to his clerk, Nasruddin then ordered: “Please fetch me that big black book from the shelf behind you…”

Sometimes, we should hedge our bets and words, so that we are in a position to quickly change course to tackle cunning people and unforeseen events. Nasruddin’s evasive replies cleverly illustrate this.

******

Discovering the speed of sound

One day Mullah climbed up a minaret and shouted at the top of his lungs. Then he immediately rushed down and began running as fast as his legs would carry him.

“What’s happening? Why are you running so hard, Mullah?” asked a passer-by.

“To see how far my voice carries!” Nasruddin replied, rushing off into the distance.

While it is good to carry out practical experiments and discover the truth about the world, these have to be pragmatic and practical, not impractical. Else our activities will be as fruitful as chasing our own shadow.

******

Prof Nasruddin’s logic

Professor Nasruddin gave a lecture in the university every Saturday. But this was a task he did not particularly relish and he always sought ways to avoid it. One Saturday he had a brainwave. In class that day, he asked the students: “Do you know when Sikander (Alexander the Great) came to power?”

The students were taken aback by this question out of the blue and many answered: “No, we don’t!”

Then Nasruddin responded: “Well, if most of you-all know nothing about such an important matter, it is a waste of time to talk about it!” So saying, Nasruddin walked away without giving his weekly lecture to the students.

Some students followed him, protesting that they knew the answer but he hadn’t bothered to ask them.

“Well,” reasoned Nasruddin, “if some of you know the answer, and some of you don’t, those who do know can tell those that don’t!” The students were left speechless and unable to refute Nasruddin’s queer logic.

If we wish to avoid some unpleasant task, we should think up some foolproof means of avoiding this, just like Nasruddin did!

******

Playing the blame game

One evening, Mullah Nasruddin and his begum returned from the market to find their house burgled. Almost everything had been taken away. “It’s all your fault!” ranted his wife. “Because you did not make sure that the house was securely locked before we left.”

The neighbours picked up the refrain: “You did not shut the windows,” said one.

“You should have locked the door properly,” blamed another.

“Why did you not anticipate this?” interjected a third.

“Your locks may have been faulty, you should have replaced them,” a fourth one claimed.

“Hey!” protested Nasruddin. “Am I the only one to blame?”

“And who else is to blame?” everyone chorused.

“What about the thieves?” an indignant Nasruddin asked. “Are they also not to blame?”

When we are seemingly cornered on all fronts and being unfairly attacked by everybody, the only way out is to resort to logic, howsoever skewed it may be. This will momentarily force our attackers on the back foot, giving us some respite to plan our next move.

******

The man who saw the future!

One sunny morning, Mullah Nasruddin was cutting off the branch of a tree in his garden. As can be expected, Nasruddin happened to be sitting on that very branch. While he was sawing, a man passing by in the street noticed him and said: “Bade mian (big brother), if you continue sawing the branch you are sitting on, you will fall down with it.”

Nasruddin mused to himself: “This foolish man has nothing better to do than go around telling other people what to do and what not to do.”

Seeing Nasruddin had ignored his warning, the man continued on his way. A few minutes later, Newton’s law of gravity came into play – the branch fell to earth and so did Mullah Nasruddin!

“My God!” Nasruddin cried. “That man can foretell the future!” Nasruddin ran after the man, seeking to know how long he would live. But the man had already gone out of sight and was nowhere to be found.

There is no one who can foretell the future and those who claim so are charlatans and frauds. It simply takes a dose of common sense to recognise the normal course of events.

******

Nasruddin’s inane query

It was a sunny day when Nasruddin happened to be passing by the marketplace with a few apricots hidden in his pocket. Seeing some people sitting under a tree, Nasruddin went over to them and said: “If any one of you can tell me what I have in my pocket, I will give him the biggest apricot!” Needless to say, Nasruddin parted with the apricot!

We should always be careful with our words or else we will put our foot in the mouth. Also, it is never wise to play bets, as more often than not, we will end up losing.

******

The monkey trick

Mullah Nasruddin had seven monkeys who were as intractable as simians can be. One morning Nasruddin told them: “I will give each of you three figs in the morning and four in the evening. That will feed you for the day and there is absolutely no more.”

The angry monkeys began screaming in protest.

“All right, all right!” Mullah told them. “I will give you four figs in the morning and three in the evening.”

The monkeys were quickly satisfied that they had forced their master to increase their rations despite his reluctance!

If you run an organisation and your employees are not happy with the raise or perks that you offer them, you could cleverly switch things around to make it seem like you are acceding to their request, while maintaining the status quo! But pulling this off is a fine art and may not always work as smoothly with humans as it does with monkeys!

******

Riding backwards

One day Mullah Nasruddin was riding his donkey backwards, sitting facing its tail. “Mullah Nasruddin,” the people said, “you are sitting on your donkey backwards!”

“Oh no!” he replied. “It’s not that I am sitting on the donkey backwards, it’s the donkey that’s facing the wrong way!”

Time and again, Mullah has shown that he had an answer for the most illogical acts. For those who are given to acts of stupidity and foolishness, this is a good quality to cultivate, if they can’t change their activities!

******

The ‘benefits’ of poverty

At one point of time, Mullah Nasruddin’s family was very poor. Once, Nasruddin’s wife woke him up in the dead of night and whispered: “Nasruddin, wake up! There is a thief in the kitchen!”

“Shhh! You silly woman!” Nasruddin quietened her. “Let him search all over. Perhaps he may find something valuable and then we can seize it!”

If one lives in extreme poverty, the last thing one needs to fear is being robbed. Paradoxically, poverty facilitates peace of mind from the normal stresses and strains of moneyed existence, since one’s only concern is ensuring the basics of existence. This attitude is fully reflected in Nasruddin’s matter-of-fact response to his wife.

******

The out-of-tune nightingale

Nasruddin couldn’t resist the urge to raid a neighbouring garden and climb the apricot tree. Observing his antics, the gardener asked: “Why are you climbing someone else’s tree?”

Nasruddin replied: “Don’t you realise I am a nightingale and climbing a tree is not a sin for nightingales!”

The gardener laughed: “Please sing so that I may enjoy your sweet voice.”

Nasruddin began singing in his hoarse voice. The gardener stopped him short and asked whether nightingales sang so badly.

Retorted Nasruddin: “A nightingale that eats raw apricots will not sing better than this!”

It is better not to steal somebody else’s goods. We are sure to be caught and will then end up telling one lie after another to cover up, just like Mullah Nasruddin.

******

The lip-smacking kheer

Nasruddin’s wife was an excellent cook and made delectable dishes on various occasions. One night, she prepared some lip-smacking kheer and placed a large bowl of the dessert before Mullah. Without even inquiring whether she had kept some aside for herself, Mullah attacked the kheer with gusto. As he was smacking his lips and fingers showing no intentions of surrendering the bowl, Mullah’s wife pulled it away when a small portion remained. “You must keep this for tomorrow so that you can enjoy the rest on the morrow,” she reasoned. Mullah wasn’t convinced this was such a good idea, but held his counsel.

That night, Nasruddin woke up his wife around 3.00 AM. “Wake up, Bibijaan. I just had a wonderful idea!” Nasruddin rudely disturbed her slumber.

“What is it now?” she inquired through sleep-laden eyes.

“Oh! I just had a really wonderful idea!” Mullah repeated.

“But what is it?” his wife asked again.

“It doesn’t matter, Bibijaan. Go to sleep. We will discuss this tomorrow,” Nasruddin muttered.

But by now it was getting too much for Mrs Nasruddin. “You must tell me about your idea right now!” she insisted.

“Well, if you insist!” Nasruddin feigned reluctance. “But you will have to first get me the bowl of kheer so that I can fortify myself before telling you about this excellent idea.”

“Oh, okay!” his wife mumbled and went to fetch the kheer.

Once again Nasruddin tucked into the kheer with gusto. After he had finished smacking his lips and licking his fingers along with licking the plate clean, his wife prodded him again: “Okay! Now tell me about your wonderful idea,” she smiled.

“Well, my dear, it suddenly occurred to me that instead of leaving the kheer for the morrow, why not finish it today itself when it was still fresh!”

Sometimes you may not agree with a decision, but it is better to keep quiet and bide your time. Then when it is least expected, spring the request without putting all your cards on the table. Your confused partner will agree to go along with you, not realising the trick you are playing. By the time s/he does, your purpose will have already been served!

******

A slap in the street

A man once slapped Nasruddin in the street. A few seconds later, he returned and began to apologise, saying he had mistaken Nasruddin for someone else! Not satisfied with this apology, Nasruddin grabbed the man’s collar, took him to the judge and narrated the incident.

The judge ordered: “Nasruddin must slap this man to avenge the insult.”

But Nasruddin was not satisfied with this verdict. So the judge ordered the man to pay Nasruddin a gold coin in lieu of the slap. The accused left the court, promising to return with a gold coin.

Nasruddin waited for some time but the accused didn’t return. So Nasruddin stood up, slapped the judge squarely in the face and said: “I have a lot of work waiting for me and no time. So whenever that man returns with the gold coin, you take it as compensation for this slap!”

Rewards and punishments cannot be traded or substituted. But when a person apologises for his mistake, we should quickly accept this, rather than wasting further time and effort in seeking redress.

******

The soundless music

It was a pitch-dark night when Nasruddin was returning home with one of his students. Suddenly, he saw a gang of thieves standing before a house, trying to break the lock. Sizing up the situation in a thrice, Nasruddin decided that if he wished to stay in one piece, it was better to keep quiet and pass by quickly.

Nasruddin’s not-so-bright student did not realise what was happening and asked: “What are all these men standing there doing?”

“Shhh!” Nasruddin hissed. “They’re playing music!”

“But I can’t hear anything!” the student protested.

“We shall hear the music tomorrow!” Nasruddin whispered, walking ahead quickly.

On some occasions, discretion is the better part of valour, particularly in a situation that can only ensure us trouble.

******

The need for a sacrifice

A washerman had hung Nasruddin’s shirt on a clothesline on the roof. Suddenly a strong gust of wind blew and the shirt fell to the ground.

A relieved Nasruddin told his wife: “We must sacrifice a goat.”

His wife inquired about the reason for a sacrifice.

Reasoned Nasruddin: “Because I was fortunate not to have been in that shirt or else I’d have been killed!”

Sacrifices of any kind are meaningless. What is to happen will happen, sacrifice or no sacrifice. Yet, in this day and age, even some educated people still fall prey to this senseless superstitious practice.

******

Standing by one’s words

Someone once asked Nasruddin his age. He answered: “Forty!”

Ten years later, the same man asked Nasruddin how old he was. Replied Nasruddin: “Forty years old.”

The man protested: “But ten years ago you told me you were forty years old. How can you still be forty?”

Nasruddin’s response: “Unlike other people who keep singing different tunes, I am a man of my word and stand by whatever I say!”

Many people lie about their age. Avoid this, or else you will end up offering illogical excuses like Nasruddin when your lie is discovered.

******

The sun vs. the moon

Is the sun more beneficial or the moon? This innocent query was once put to Nasruddin.

With his trademark logic, he answered, “The answer is so clear that it does not even need an explanation. The sun rises during the day when it is already bright. Therefore, its presence is not actually required. But the moon appears in the dark night and illuminates dark surroundings. Obviously, the moon is a thousand times more beneficial than the sun!”

There are times when answers we take for granted are just the opposite of our perceptions. Therefore, never think you know everything and always be willing to stand corrected.

******

Five gold coins only

Nasruddin was strolling through the marketplace when a shopkeeper accosted him and berated him loudly for failing to pay a debt.

“My dear friend,” answered Mullah, “just how much do I owe you?”

“Seventy-five gold coins,” shouted the angry shopkeeper.

“Now, now!” replied Mullah. “As you know, I intend to pay you 35 gold coins tomorrow and another 35 next month. That means I owe you only five gold coins. Are you not ashamed of yourself for accosting me so loudly in public for a debt of only five gold coins?”

Mullah Nasruddin was adept at turning arguments around and transforming himself into a victim instead of being the victimiser! If you are in the habit of borrowing money or things, this is a useful stratagem. However, it is best to avoid borrowing to live a peaceful life.

******

The inexperienced barber

Nasruddin visited a barber to have his head shaved. But the man was inexperienced. He kept hurting Nasruddin’s scalp and putting pieces of cotton on the wound each time. Finally, Nasruddin lost his cool and told the barber: “Look, you have planted cotton on half my head. I would now like to grow flax in the other half!”

Never visit an inexperienced barber, dentist or surgeon or else you may end up paying a heavy price, in terms of money and health.

******

When the doctor was not required

Nasruddin’s wife asked him to call the doctor as she had severe stomach pain. Grabbing his shawl, he left the house to fetch a doctor. When Nasruddin was in the street, his wife called out through the window and said that her stomach pain had disappeared and there was no need to call the doctor.

Like an arrow that had already been released from the bow, Nasruddin ignored her words and went to the doctor’s house. Once there, Nasruddin told the doctor: “My wife had severe abdominal pain. While I was coming to call you, my wife shouted through the window that her pain had subsided and there was no need to fetch the doctor. Therefore, I am here to inform you that there is no need for you to come.”

We should never set out on any mission with preconceived notions. The latest developments must always be taken into account so that we can quickly change course, if required.

******

Looking for lost sleep

Mullah Nasruddin was walking down the street well past midnight. A soldier on guard duty asked: “What are you doing out on the street so late, Mullah?”

“Nothing. My sleep has disappeared and I am looking for it!” Nasruddin replied.

Never waste your time over lost sleep. The more you worry the more sleep will you lose. It will come to you automatically, once you learn to relax and stop ‘looking for sleep’.

******

The saddle-pack for an overcoat

On a hot summer day, Nasruddin was passing through a desert astride his donkey. As he rode, his stomach felt heavy and he realised he had to relieve himself. Taking off his overcoat, he placed it on the donkey’s back and walked towards a stream to answer nature’s call.

A thief was passing by and noticing the unattended donkey, he stole the overcoat. Returning from his ablution, Nasruddin couldn’t find his overcoat. Enraged at what he thought was a trick his donkey had played, he yanked the saddle-pack off, placed it on his shoulder and addressed the donkey: “Only when you return my overcoat will I give back your saddle-pack!”

At times, we lose something and wrongly blame an innocent person without verifying the facts. We must never accuse anyone of thievery unless we have checked the facts thoroughly.

******

The price of a nobleman

In the company of a nobleman, Nasruddin visited the public bath. Once there, the nobleman jokingly asked Nasruddin: “If I were a slave, what would be a reasonable price for me?”

Responded Nasruddin: “Only 50 dinars.”

The nobleman angrily told him, “Why, my bathing cloth costs 50 dinars!”

Nasruddin retorted: “Oh, that’s exactly what I told you – the price of your bathing cloth! Because a nobleman has no value!”

Nasruddin’s quick response contains a measure of truth. We delude ourselves that we are indispensable. But it is only our work or designations that are respected. As the joke goes, the graveyards are full of people who thought they were indispensable!

******

The right is wrong

A guest was putting up at Nasruddin’s home for a few days. At night the man felt like urinating. Noticing Nasruddin was awake, he said, “Please pass me the lantern. It is on your right.”

Nasruddin shot back: “Are you mad? It is too dark for me to recognise my right side from the left!”

Man is usually out of his element in the dark and entertains fears about nonexistent phenomena, like ghosts. It is such preconceived notions that create problems.

******

A camel’s incredible reach

Nasruddin had earned a little money and wanted to stash it away safely. He first dug a hole, put the money there and covered it with soil. After a while he felt the money was not safe enough there and could be discovered. Then he dug another hole and hid the money there. But he was still not satisfied with this.

So Nasruddin put his money in a bag, mounted his donkey and went to a hilltop near his house. He planted a stick into the ground and suspended his bag from it. Inspecting the bag from a distance, Nasruddin thought: “No human being is a bird to come here and steal my moneybag.” Satisfied, he returned home.

It so happened that a man was watching the proceedings from a distance. The moment Nasruddin left, the man grabbed the money from the bag and filled the bag with camel dung.

A few days later, Nasruddin required cash. So he went to fetch his bag. When he opened the bag, he found camel dung in it. Surprised, he wondered: “This is very strange. How did a camel reach a place where a human being can’t?”

Never keep your wealth in strange places, particularly in the open. There are prying eyes all around. Money is safest in the bank or within your premises.

******

The juicy red ‘fruit’

Mullah Nasruddin saw a man selling shiny, red fruits. The fruits looked sweet and juicy, so Nasruddin’s mouth began to water. “How many can I get for a silver piece?” he asked.

“The whole basket,” said the man.

So Nasruddin purchased the basket and began eating the fruit. Far from being sweet and juicy, they turned out to be dry and pungent. Within seconds, his throat seemed on fire and tears streamed down his cheeks.

A Pathan passing by stopped and stared incredulously. “Why are you eating red-hot chillies?”

“Oh, they are chillies, are they?” said a disappointed Nasruddin. Then he slowly put another chilly in his mouth and then yet another.

“But why are you still eating the chillies?” the Pathan queried.

“My friend, I’m no longer eating chillies,” replied Mullah sadly. “I’m eating my money!”

It is not safe to consume any strange fruit or food, unless we have first ascertained what it is. Else we could end up burning our tongue – and our pocket – just like Mullah Nasruddin.

******

The problem quilt

Two men were quarrelling raucously before Nasruddin’s house in the dead of night. Before long, their cries awoke Nasruddin. He waited for a while hoping they would go away, but they continued their loud quarrel. Unable to sleep, Nasruddin wrapped a quilt tightly around his shoulders and rushed outside when he heard the two men coming to blows. As he tried to reason with them, one of the duo snatched the quilt off Nasruddin’s shoulders. Both men then fled the scene.

Weary and perplexed, Nasruddin went back into his house. “What was the quarrel all about?” enquired his wife.

“It must have been our quilt,” replied Nasruddin. “The quilt has gone, the quarrel has ended!”

One has to take unforeseen and unknown events with a philosophical outlook. It would have been no use lamenting the loss of his valuable quilt and losing sleep over it, so Nasruddin treated the loss philosophically and went right back to sleep! At all times, we must remember the biblical quote: The Lord giveth and the Lord taketh away!

******

The oversmart beggar

Just as Nasruddin emerged from the mosque after prayers, a beggar on the street solicited alms. As Mullah sized him up, the following conversation ensued: “Are you extravagant?”

“Yes,” lied the beggar.

“Do you drink tea and smoke?” Nasruddin probed.

“Oh yes!” replied the beggar.

“I suppose you like to go to the baths everyday?” Nasruddin continued.

“I do,” the beggar continued fibbing.

“And perhaps you amuse yourself by drinking with your friends?” Nasruddin asked.

“Yes, I love doing all these things,” the beggar lied.

“What times have come!” sighed Nasruddin and gave him a gold coin.

A few yards ahead, another beggar had overheard the conversation. He too quickly asked Mullah for alms.

“Are you extravagant?” Nasruddin posed the same query.

“No!” the second beggar replied.

“Do you drink tea and smoke?” Nasruddin continued.

“No!” said the second beggar.

“I suppose you visit the baths daily?” Nasruddin said.

“I do not!” said the man.

“Maybe you amuse yourself drinking with friends?” queried Nasruddin.

“No, I only live on meagre means and pray,” the second beggar replied.

Dipping into his pocket, Nasruddin gave him a small copper coin.

“But why do you give me, a thrifty and pious man, a small copper coin while you gave that extravagant fellow a gold coin?” the second beggar wailed.

“Aha!” exclaimed Nasruddin. “That’s because his needs are greater than yours, my friend.”

The second beggar was greedy and tried a different tack thinking he’d get more from Nasruddin, but his plan backfired. It is better to stick to the tried-and-tested path and earn some returns rather than overplay our hand and lose out.

******

Rescuing the moon

Mullah Nasruddin was passing by a well and happened to peep in. Seeing the image of the moon in the well, he was taken aback. He wondered how the moon got trapped in the well and decided to rescue it! Throwing a rope into the well, he swung it a few times. But the loop of the rope got caught on a big stone. Nasruddin tried to pull the rope out and used a lot of force. The rope got yanked away suddenly and Nasruddin fell to the ground, landing on his back.

Looking up at the sky, Mullah spied the moon and was relieved: “Oh, my efforts have not been wasted. Though I’ve sprained my back, I finally succeeded in rescuing the moon.”

Before we getting into problem-solving or firefighting, we should first analyse the situation because what seems to be a problem to us may actually not be a problem at all. This will save us a lot of needless bother.

******

The answer on the rooftop

His roof had been leaking, so one day Nasruddin climbed up to repair the tiles. While he was working on the roof of his house, a stranger knocked the door. “What do you want?” Nasruddin shouted from the rooftop.

“Could you please come down so that I can reveal the reason,” replied stranger.

Although reluctant, Mullah slowly climbed down the ladder, curious to know what the matter was. “Well,” inquired Nasruddin, “what is so important?”

“Could you please lend some money to a poor old man like me?” implored the stranger.

Without replying immediately, Nasruddin turned and began climbing up the ladder and then said: “Follow me up to the rooftop.”

When Nasruddin and the beggar were on the rooftop, Nasruddin said: “The answer is no!”

“But why did you call me up in that case? You could have said ‘No’ downstairs!” the beggar protested.

“Well,” Mullah smiled. “And you could have made the same request while I was up the roof!”

When we are well into some task and a stranger interrupts, we should first inquire what it is all about before wasting our precious time.

******

Walnuts and pumpkins

It was a hot summer day and Nasruddin was taking a breather under the shade of a walnut tree. After a while, he looked around and noticed huge pumpkins growing on delicate vines while small walnuts grew on a majestic tree. “Sometimes the ways of God simply cannot be understood!” he mused. “Fancy letting small walnuts fruit on such a majestic tree while these huge pumpkins grow on delicate vines!”

At that precise moment, a walnut came loose and fell smack on Mullah Nasruddin’s bald patch. He got up at once, lifted his hands and face in supplication heavenwards and said: “Allah! Forgive me for questioning your ways! You are the wisest of all. Where would I have been now if pumpkins grew on trees!”

It is not for man to question the ways of God or Nature, which may seem inscrutable but are the best in the scheme of things.

******

The knowledgeable turban

An illiterate man once came to Mullah Nasruddin with a letter he had received and said: “Mullah Nasruddin, please read this letter to me.”

Mullah looked at the letter, but was unable to make out a single word. So he told the man: “I am sorry, but I cannot read this letter, it is incomprehensible.”

The man cried: “You should be ashamed Mullah! It is a shame on the turban you wear.” (The turban is considered a sign of education in eastern cultures.)

Nasruddin took off the turban from his head and placed it on the head of the illiterate man: “There, now you wear this turban for a while. And with the knowledge it gives you, read the letter yourself!”

Education and knowledge do not necessarily arise from titles and status, but from efforts invested in learning.

******

The lost ring

It was a very dark night when Mullah Nasruddin lost his ring in the basement of his house. Since there was no chance of finding the ring in the darkness, Nasruddin ventured out on the street and began looking for his ring there! A passer-by stopped and enquired: “Have you lost something Mullah?”

“Oh yes! I’ve lost my ring.”

“Well, let me help you find it,” the man said and joined the search.

Half an hour later, there was no sign of the ring at all. “Are you sure you lost your ring here?” the man inquired.

“Not here! I lost the ring in the basement,” Mullah replied.

“But Mullah, why are we wasting time looking for it in the street if you’ve lost it in the basement?” the man asked, amazed.

“What a silly thing you say, young man!” Nasruddin responded. “How can I search for it in the darkness down there! But it is bright enough to be seen in the street!”

While we may think we have solutions to many problems, these will only work if we use the appropriate solution for a particular problem. Solutions, like partners, should not be switched around!

******

The nether world

A visitor had heard about Mullah Nasruddin’s ready wit and came to him with a question. “Mullah Nasruddin, can you describe the place that we humans come from and the place that we go to after death?”

“Oh!” Mullah Nasruddin shrugged. “Let me not describe it to you, for it is a very frightening place.”

“But why is that so?” the visitor queried.

“Haven’t you noticed – when we come from there as babies, we are crying and bawling our lungs out. And when somebody has to go there after death, everybody cries and beats their heads and chests!”

Ordinary mortals – Mullah Nasruddin included – are in no position to describe the nether world. Although this realm is beyond description, it is only the seers who can give us some indication of what to expect.

******

Mullah’s donkey

Mullah Nasruddin had a neighbour whom he didn’t like at all. One day the man came over to his compound, seeking to borrow Mullah’s donkey. Not wanting to loan his donkey, Nasruddin lied: “I would love to loan you my donkey, but just yesterday my brother came over from the next town and took it way to use it to carry his wheat to the mill for grinding. Therefore, the donkey is not here.”

Disappointed, the neighbour began to walk away slowly. Just as he had gone a few paces, Nasruddin’s donkey – which was standing in the back of his compound all the time – brayed loudly.

Turning to Nasruddin, the neighbour remarked: “Mullah Nasruddin, I thought you said your donkey was not here.”

Mullah Nasruddin turned to his neighbour gravely and asked in an offended voice: “My friend, who are you going to believe? Me, who says the donkey is not here, or the donkey, which is pretending it’s here?”

Before we try to hide or economise on the truth, it is better to consider the subsequent events or consequences. A diplomatic denial would be better than a lie that can be found out within minutes.

******

The second lesson

Out of the blue, Mullah Nasruddin suddenly took a fancy to music and decided he wished to learn playing the zurna (a type of pipe with a whistle-like sound). He visited a zurna player for the purpose. “How much would it cost to learn to play the zurna?” asked Mullah Nasruddin.

“Three hundred akche (coins) for the first lesson and one hundred akche for the second lesson,” said the zurna player.

“That’s great!” Nasruddin exclaimed. “Let’s start with the second lesson. I was a shepherd when young, so I already have some whistling experience. That’s good enough for the first lesson. So let’s begin with the second.”

It is always wise to find ways and means to save money. But these have to be practical and logical, else they will not serve the purpose.

******

The secret enterprise

Fed up of his poverty, Mullah Nasruddin one day decided to venture into business. Everyday he would load bags of flour on a donkey and take it for sale to a market across the neighbouring kingdom’s border one mile away. At the border, the customs official would ask him what he had to declare and what business he was in.

Nasruddin would say: “I have these bags of flour to declare. As for my profession, I’m an honest smuggler.”

On hearing this, the customs official would search Mullah and his donkey high and low to check whether any contraband was hidden, besides the bags of flour he was declaring. After all, who had ever heard of an honest smuggler!

Across the border, Mullah would sell the flour, buy the same amount of flour with his proceeds and then take it back home to sell at the same price! This went on for months.

The customs official and people were left scratching their heads in bewilderment. Even by Mullah’s crazy standards, this commerce seemed bizarre. But over the weeks and months, neighbours noticed that Mullah was growing richer and richer. He had a mosque built, planted orchards and constructed a palatial house for himself. People in Mullah’s village were now openly envious of his success. All the customs officials in town came to know about this. All of them began stopping Mullah’s donkey daily and checking the baggage for contraband. Customs inspectors would take the saddlebags apart everyday and look under the saddle. All they ever found was flour. No one was ever able to figure out what business Mullah was into and how he grew rich.

Years later, when the first customs official had retired, he happened to meet Mullah in the marketplace. They greeted each other pleasantly and then the customs official asked Mullah the question that had bothered him for years: what was the secret enterprise that had made Mullah so wealthy?

By now Mullah had already made his moolah and was no longer worried about being found out. “Oh, that!” Mullah reminisced. “Those were the good old days. Back then I made good money smuggling donkeys across the border everyday!”

If one is smart enough, there are hundreds of ways of minting money. One simply has to hit upon the right idea to get going.

******

How not to pay

With the festival fast approaching Mullah Nasruddin visited the market to buy new clothes. First he tried a pair of trousers. The trousers didn’t pass muster so he returned it to the shopkeeper. Next he donned a robe that was the same price as the trousers. Pleased with the robe, Nasruddin began leaving the shop. Before he could mount his donkey, the shopkeeper quickly barred his way.

“Huzoor, you didn’t pay for the robe,” the shopkeeper said.

“Because I gave you the trousers instead of the robe, didn’t I?” replied Mullah.

“No doubt, but you didn’t pay for the trousers, either!” protested the shopkeeper.

“But I didn’t buy the trousers,” remonstrated Mullah. “Am I so stupid as to pay for something that I didn’t buy!”

Dealing with customers can be tricky, as one comes across all kinds. This is yet another reason why shopkeepers have to take all precautions against shoplifters, credit-seekers and customers who use semantics to avoid paying.

******

The inhuman way

Nasruddin stole into a farm to filch a melon. But the farmer spied him and raised hell: “What are you doing?” Nasruddin lied that he had come to answer nature’s call and was simply relieving himself.

The farmer scanned his field suspiciously: “Where were you relieving yourself?”

Nasruddin looked around, spied cow dung and pointed at that. The farmer protested: “But that is cow dung!”

Replied Nasruddin with a straight face: “Well, you didn’t allow me to do it the human way, did you?”

When caught in an embarrassing situation, you could still get out of it by gently going on the offensive and counter-querying your accuser!

******

Nasruddin and the conqueror

A neighbouring king had invaded Mullah Nasruddin’s town and had the captured Mullah brought before him. The conqueror then asked Nasruddin: “Mullah, all the great rulers of the past had honorific titles with the name of God in them: for instance, God-Gifted, God-Bestowed, God-Blest, and so on. How about suggesting some such name for me?”

“God-Forbid!” quipped Nasruddin.

There are times when what we say in jest or unwittingly turns out to hold more than a grain of truth.

******

The hard worker

Mullah Nasruddin had secured a job at the bazaar as a porter. The foreman noticed that Nasruddin carried only one bag of wheat at a time from the cart to the shop while the other porters carried two.

When the foreman questioned Nasruddin about this, Mullah replied, “I am not so lazy as those fellows who are unwilling to make two trips!”

When we are caught on the wrong foot, the best way to get out of trouble is to give a witty response that will leave the questioner flabbergasted – something that Mullah seemed particularly good at.

******

The memory trick

On one of his numerous travels abroad, Nasruddin decided to spend the night in a large inn. In one massive room, there were scores of beds lined up one after the other. Looking at beds by the dozens, it occurred to Mullah that in the dark with so many people lying around he might not know where he was or who he was. So he decided to tie a balloon around his ankle to remember where he was and who he was.

It so happened that the man right next to him had been watching the proceedings with avid interest. When Mullah was fast asleep, the man decided to have some fun by playing a trick on Nasruddin. He quietly untied the balloon from Nasruddin’s ankle and fastened it onto his own ankle.

The next morning when Mullah Nasruddin woke up, he was perplexed for a few seconds. But the moment he spotted the balloon on the next man’s ankle, he was pleased at his recall. “Aha!” said Nasruddin. “I know who you are. You are Mullah Nasruddin! But please tell me who I am!”

We may use an item as some form of reminder. However, when the time comes, we may forget what the reminder was all about and land up in a bind, despite the reminder. With Mullah’s lousy memory, such problems were no problem!

******

The lost donkey

Nasruddin had just lost his donkey. He went into the street looking for it, while simultaneously thanking God. A passer-by asked: “If you have lost your donkey, why are you thanking God?”

“Because,” answered Nasruddin, “if I had been riding my donkey, I too would have been lost! And a third person would have been required to look for both me and the donkey!”

Even in adversity, there is always something to thank God for – for instance, that you are still safe and sound, despite the problem! But not necessarily through Nasruddin’s skewed logic!

******

The clothes line

Mullah’s neighbour Bakruddin was always in the habit of borrowing some thing or the other, without ever bothering to return it. For the nth time, he presented himself before Mullah. “Mullah Nasruddin, would you be kind enough to lend me your clothes line?”

“I would have loved to, but I’m using it to dry flour!” said a deadpan Nasruddin.

“But how can anybody ever dry flour on a clothes line, Mullah?” Bakruddin asked in amazement.

“In fact,” snapped Nasruddin, “it’s not difficult at all, particularly when you don’t want to lend things to a pesky neighbour!”

There are occasions when we have to tick off people politely. But there are other times when we must tick off a person bluntly, just as Nasruddin did in this instance. That’s the only way they will get the message to stop borrowing things.

******

The lesson of self-assertion

His biggest problem was that he wasn’t assertive, Nasruddin reasoned and the sooner he rectified this, the better. That day, he told his wife that he was going to plough their field on the other side of the river and would be back for a sumptuous dinner. His wife corrected him saying, “Say, ‘If Allah is willing,’ my dear.”

Mullah frowned, “Whether Allah is willing or unwilling, I will be back for a hearty dinner.”

His wife was alarmed at this affront to the Creator and quickly begged forgiveness on her foolish husband’s behalf.

Nasruddin hitched his wooden plough to the oxen, mounted his donkey and set off at a canter. As he neared the river, there was an unexpected cloudburst, the river suddenly went into spate, his donkey was washed downstream and Mullah barely managed to save himself from drowning and swim to the other bank. Worse, one of his oxen broke its leg in the melee, and the only way Nasruddin could plough the field was by hitching himself in place of the injured ox!

That night, Nasruddin staggered his way home, exhausted, having barely finished ploughing one-third the field. When he reached the river, it was still in spate and he had to wait a couple of hours before it was safe to cross. When he finally made it home, he was soaking wet and shivering with cold. By now he had already realised the folly of questioning Allah’s will. As a wet, weary, but wiser Mullah Nasruddin knocked at the door, his wife called out from inside asking who was at the door.

“I think it is Mullah Nasruddin,” replied the chastened Nasruddin, “that is, if Allah is willing!”

It is not for us to question the ways of the Maker. Accepting God’s will gracefully ensures that our life is more stable and peaceful, despite the regular ups and downs. But going against Nature and the Divine will only make the going difficult for us, as Mullah Nasruddin learnt the hard way.

******

Attracting the babies

Mullah’s pregnant wife had just gone into labour and all the female neighbours gathered around her, while Nasruddin waited outside the room anxiously. Suddenly, one of the women called out: “Mullah, your wife has just delivered a bonny baby boy. Congratulations!”

Mullah Nasruddin was beside himself with joy and conveyed the news to all the neighbours. When he returned after a while, he heard another woman announce: “Huzoor, congratulations! You have twins. Your wife has just delivered a girl.”

Mullah was excited at the fact that he was blest with a girl also. Having conveyed this good news to all the neighbours, he returned home. “Mullah Nasruddin, your wife has delivered a third child!”

Mullah was taken aback at the fact that a third baby had arrived, but accepted it as God’s grace. Five minutes later, however, a fourth voice rang out: “Congratulations yet again! Your wife has delivered a fourth child!”

By now Mullah Nasruddin was truly alarmed and rushed into the room to check what was going on. Looking around, he noticed there was a big candle right at his wife’s feet. Rushing over, Mullah quickly blew out the candle.

“Huzoor, what are you doing? We need the light to assist in the delivery,” a midwife complained.

“Oh, no! You will have to manage without the light. Don’t you realise – it is the light that’s attracting the babies inside and they are all coming out one by one!” Mullah remonstrated.

Mullah’s rustic logic told him that just as the light attracted moths, it seemed to be doing likewise with the babies. Since he couldn’t afford to feed so many mouths, he naturally had to take preventive action, even if misplaced!

******

Nasruddin’s grief

When his wife died, Nasruddin barely grieved and didn’t even look sad. But when his donkey died, Nasruddin went into mourning for several days. His friends noticed this strange behaviour and one of them inquired: “When your wife died recently, you didn’t feel so sad. But why are you so grief-stricken with your donkey’s death?”

A dejected Nasruddin replied: “When my wife died all the neighbours sympathised with me and promised to find a better one, but when my donkey died, no one promised to find a better donkey!”

In every situation, man seeks his self-interest. If a person’s interests are met, even in situations of grief he may not grieve as much.

******

The wandering wife

The neighbours were concerned about Mullah’s beautiful wife, as she was in the habit of visiting people at all hours of the day and kept flitting across town.

They conveyed their feelings to Nasruddin: “Mullah, you had better keep a close watch on your wife. She keeps wandering across town visiting all friends and acquaintances day and night.”

“There is no way this could be true,” refuted Nasruddin. “Because if she was really wandering around so much, wouldn’t she stop by our own house every now and then?”

There are times when an unwelcome situation may be apparent to the entire world, but we fail to see the writing on the wall. This is particularly true of parents, who tend to blindly trust their children and refuse to believe their child could have committed any wrong even when neighbours bring these facts to their notice. But living in a fool’s paradise will ultimately make us bitterly sorry, sooner or later.

******

Nasruddin’s age

A man once asked Nasruddin: “How old are you, Mullah?”

“I am three years older than my brother,” replied Mullah Nasruddin.

“But last year you were only two years older!”

“Yes, but a year has passed since then, hasn’t it?”

Many men of wit and wisdom are truly hopeless when it comes to figures and mathematics – and Nasruddin seems no different.

******

The seven days’ wonder

Mullah’s first wife had expired recently. Having been so accustomed to married life, there was no way he could live single. So he made it clear that he wished to marry again and his friends and relatives sought a suitable match for him. Soon, they found a widow for him.

However, exactly seven days after marriage, his new wife delivered a bonny baby boy! Nasruddin quickly ran to the market and returned home with paper, pencils, books and other sundry items for the newborn child. He then placed these items next to the child’s bed.

His wife was surprised to see all this and enquired why he had brought these now, as the child was barely a day old. “The baby will not be needing these at least for the next three years,” his wife protested.

“You are sadly mistaken, my dear,” Nasruddin insisted. “A baby who makes an entry within seven days instead of nine months will not require more than a fortnight for such minor tasks!”

If a man is naïve enough to believe the child had arrived in nine days, he will believe anything! But on the flip side, such a simpleton was a blessing for the wife and child!

******

What day is it?

Nasruddin visited a strange city and was walking down the street. A passer-by asked: “What day is it today?”

Nasruddin replied: “I have come to this city recently, so I am not familiar with the days here. You better ask a resident of this city.”

More often than not, in strange surroundings or situations we anticipate problems when there are none. We thereby create problems in dealing with situations that we would have handled adroitly on our home ground.

******

Free bread and free…

Mullah’s wife asked him to buy some bread from the market. When he reached the bakery, there was a long snaking line for bread and Mullah realised it would take him more than an hour to buy bread. He decided he had to do something to get to the front of the line.

“Don’t you people know that today is the Sultan’s daughter’s birthday and free bread is being distributed at the palace?” Mullah Nasruddin spoke loudly. Within seconds, the line had vanished as everyone made a beeline for the palace to procure some free bread.

Mullah watched the crowd vanish into the distance and made his way to the bakery door to buy bread. As he dug into his pocket to pay for the bread, he suddenly thought: “What a fool I am! Everybody has rushed to get their share of free bread and here I am about to pay for my bread.”

So Mullah himself rushed over to the palace lest the free bread get over. By now, the crowd had realised no free bread was being given and were furious at the trick played by Mullah. Within seconds, Mullah was beaten up black and blue!

On stray occasions when we trick others, we get so carried away by the success of our lie that we forget ourselves and fall into our own trap. Therefore, it is better to wait patiently in a queue or in our other endeavours, or else we will end up suffering Mullah’s fate.

******

The thieving crow

Mullah Nasruddin returned home grinning foolishly on a festival holiday and his wife wondered aloud about what was so funny. Mullah revealed that he had bought a fine leg of lamb from the market. On his way home he encountered a friend who wrote a special mutton recipe. Mullah was happily looking forward to a delicious meal as he walked back home with the lamb piece in one hand and the recipe in the other. As ill luck would have it, a crow had spied the meat. Swooping down with a raucous cry, the crow stole the meat from Nasruddin’s hand and flew off with it towards a cluster of trees.

“You fool,” cried his wife, “what’s so funny about the crow stealing the meat that we could have cooked on this festival?”

“You don’t understand begum!” Mullah continued grinning from ear to ear. “The stupid crow may have stolen our meat! But what’s it going to do with the raw meat? It forgot to steal the recipe from my other hand, which is still with me!”

While carrying foodstuff home, it is worthwhile to watch out for crows, dogs, cats, cows and human thieves, who are liable to grab our goodies and beat a hasty retreat, if given half the opportunity. And with or without a recipe, the thief would relish the stolen food!

******

Driving away tigers

Another night, Mullah Nasruddin was beating on a drum as though his very life depended on breaking the drum. The neighbours just couldn’t stand the din any longer and went out to investigate.

“Why are you beating the drum like a madman at this ungodly hour?” a neighbour remonstrated.

“I’m keeping wild tigers at bay,” Mullah replied.

“But Mullah,” protested the neighbours, “there are no wild tigers at all within thousand miles of our village!”

“Works beautifully, doesn’t it?” Mullah smiled.

If you are ever caught in some silly act, and questioned by somebody about what you are up to, simply turn the question on its head and leave the questioner flabbergasted. This is a feat that Mullah Nasruddin accomplished with panache on scores of occasions.

******

The train, the tunnel and…

Rabbi Moshe, Mullah Nasruddin and a nun were sitting together in a carriage in a train going through Jerusalem.

As it was an old train, there were no lights in the carriages and it was completely dark. Suddenly the train passed through a tunnel. Then there was this kissing sound, followed by the sound of a really loud slap.

When the train emerged from the tunnel, the nun and Rabbi Moshe were sitting as if nothing had happened and Mullah Nasruddin had his hand against his face, as if he had been slapped hard.

Mullah Nasruddin was thinking: ‘Rabbi Moshe must have kissed the nun and she missed him and slapped me instead.’

The nun was thinking: ‘Mullah Nasruddin must have tried to kiss me and actually kissed Rabbi Moshe and got slapped for it!’

Rabbi Moshe was thinking: ‘This is simply great! The next time the train passes through a tunnel I’ll repeat that kissing sound and slap Mullah Nasruddin again!’

We must always be on our guard against people who are our traditional enemies. At the first possible opportunity, they will try to harm our interests, taking advantage of circumstances or mistakes that we commit. Just as Rabbi Moshe did with Mullah Nasruddin!

******

The fiery drink

In the middle of a cold winter night, Mullah Nasruddin awoke feeling thirsty. Since it was a cold moonless night, Mullah wound a turban around his head, picked up a lamp and made his way towards the well to fetch some water. In his half-sleepy state, Mullah failed to notice a stone lying in the path and tripped over it. As Mullah went sprawling, the lamp was knocked out of his hand and broke, spilling all the oil. Just then, his turban came off his head and fell on the lamp. As the lamp glass had broken, the turban quickly caught fire.

Snapping out of his drowsy state within a split second on feeling the scorching heat from the fire, Mullah screamed and ran around in circles, beating the turban on the ground, trying to douse the fire. To put out the fire quickly, Mullah jumped up and down on it, looking much like a madman dancing on a burning piece of cloth.

Hearing all the commotion his wife promptly rushed out to investigate who was creating such a racket. Naturally, the strange sight of her husband dancing up and down on a burning garment greeted her. “Nasruddin, what on earth are you doing?” she queried in genuine alarm.

“Oh, nothing, begum! I’m just getting a drink of water,” Mullah explained without batting an eyelid.

Even in a minor or major crisis, we must always remember to keep our cool. That will allow us to focus better on tackling the problem. Mullah Nasruddin’s sangfroid under all circumstances is truly commendable and something we can all learn from.

******

Mullah’s true worth

Mullah had gatecrashed a rich man’s party. As he was attired in dishevelled clothes, the waiters took him to the servants’ corner and served scraps reserved for servants.

The next week, the rich man held a party once again and Mullah gatecrashed the second time around, but now he was attired in his very best outfit. Mistaking him for a courtier, the waiters seated him right next to the host. He was served the best mutton and chicken dishes with a couple of desserts. Mullah had just a couple of bites of bread and then began stuffing all the rich food inside his sleeves.

His host was taken aback and asked: “My good man, why are you stuffing all the food in your clothes?”

Smiling, Mullah replied: “I’m feeding this rich food to my clothes, since they deserve this more than I do. My worth was already established last week.”

Truly, a man’s attire and his shoes make all the difference in how the world perceives him. If he is well dressed, he will be accorded due respect and deference. If he is poorly turned out, he will be given short shrift.

******

Sharing the proceeds

It had been a good harvest the previous year and even after accounting for the annual tax Mullah Nasruddin had made a tidy sum from the plot of land that the king had leased out to him. A jealous courtier, however, couldn’t stomach the fact that Mullah had an additional source of income, thanks to the king’s generosity. Before the crops could be sowed in the current year, the courtier petitioned the king that he should be allowed half the share of Mullah’s crops so that he too could augment his income, just as Nasruddin did. The king thought the suggestion had some merit.

The very next day, Mullah received an official order from the court stating that he would have to give half of his crops to the courtier. Knowing there was no way he could avoid the king’s order, Nasruddin presented himself before the king, inquiring which portion of the crops the courtier wanted: that which grew above the ground, or the portion that grew below the ground? Without a moment’s hesitation the courtier said he would have half of what grew above the ground.

Six months later, the crops had been harvested. Without wasting any time, the courtier presented himself at Mullah’s door demanding half his portion of the crop. Nasruddin told him to visit the barn and pick up his share of the yield. The courtier hastened to the barn.

Within moments the man came storming back, fuming: “Mullah, what goes on? There are only some useless leaves in the barn. What am I supposed to do with the leaves? I want a fair share of the crop.”

“But huzoor, I have offered you a fair share of the crop. You had demanded half of what grew above the ground. And since I grew carrots this year, I’m offering you all the leaves that grew above the ground!”

Never try to take undue advantage of someone else’s good fortune or honest reward. This will ultimately rebound and we will only end up making fools of ourselves. It is better to rely on our own honest efforts to get ahead in life.

******

The other side

Noor Mohammed one day went for a long walk and somehow ended up on the other side of the river. Minutes later, he noticed his good friend Mullah Nasruddin on the other side and called out to him. “Mullah, can you help me get to the other side of the bank.”

Mullah Nasruddin looked up and down the river, shook his head disbelievingly and then shouted back: “Don’t worry. You’re already on the other side!”

There is always another perspective to everything. Indeed, from where Mullah stood there was no doubt that Noor Mohammed was on the other side!

******

Vulture or goat?

Mullah Nasruddin and Rabbi Moshe were travelling through the desert. It was so hot that the air was shimmering. In the distance they saw something black on the ground. Rabbi Moshe said, “It’s a vulture.”

Mullah Nasruddin said, “No, it’s a goat.”

They drew closer to the creature, still arguing over what it was. Rabbi Moshe threw a rock at it. It flapped its wings and rose into the air.

“See!” said Rabbi Moshe. “I told you it was a vulture.”

“That doesn’t prove anything,” Mullah Nasruddin quipped. “It could be a goat with wings!”

If you are hell-bent on winning even a losing argument, there is only one way you can do so – by throwing logic to the winds. Which is exactly what Mullah Nasruddin was adept at doing on many occasions!

******

Mullah’s ‘masterpiece’

As was his wont, Mullah Nasruddin changed his profession yet again, seeking to better his way of life. This time around, he became an architect and built many beautiful buildings. Hearing of his skill, the Sultan commissioned him to build a number of palaces for himself and his harem. After a few years of this, Mullah had had enough of architecture and decided he would call it quits. So he went and communicated his desire to the Sultan. The Sultan would have rather Mullah continued with his current trade, but agreed to respect Mullah’s wishes. “However, you must build me one last palace before you retire, Mullah,” the Sultan ordered Nasruddin. “Money is absolutely no constraint. But I want you to use the very best materials and make this your best project.”

Mullah acceded to the Sultan’s wishes and quickly began work on this magnum opus, which he hoped to complete within a year’s time. However, within a month, Mullah was weary to the bone and decided to cheat a little. He began doing shoddy work, confident that none except he himself would ever know that substandard work was done in his last project. Mullah cut corners at every stage and used cheaper material wherever possible because procuring the very best was time-consuming.

A year down the line, the palace was eventually ready to be presented to the Sultan. Mullah Nasruddin was pleased with himself. Although the palace was substandard, no one could recognise this fact expect Mullah. When the Sultan saw the completed palace, he was delighted.

“Mullah Nasruddin, I’m very pleased with your sincere efforts ever since you began working with me. As a measure of my appreciation for all your efforts, I have a surprise for you: this palace is my retirement gift to you!” announced the Sultan.

For once, Mullah Nasruddin was left totally speechless.

In whatever we do, we must always be sincere. Improper work and efforts will always show up in the end, and we will ultimately be the losers, as Mullah learnt much to his dismay.

******

The strange town

Mullah Nasruddin had gone to another town for some personal business. The day of his arrival happened to be a freezing winter night. On the way to the inn a fierce dog kept barking at him. Mullah Nasruddin bent down to pick up a stone to scare away the dog. It had snowed hours earlier and the stone was frozen to the earth, due to which Mullah couldn’t lift the stone.

“What a strange town this is!” Nasruddin mused to himself. “The dogs are roaming free while the stones are tied to the ground!”

In a strange town or country, we should be prepared for the unexpected, which may put us out of our element. Therefore, it is better to assimilate information beforehand about the place to be visited, so that the visit may pass off smoothly.

******

Mullah’s great debate

Some ten centuries ago, the Pope had decreed that all members of the minority community should leave Jerusalem. This created an uproar amongst the Muslim community. Backing down a little, the Pope agreed to a deal. He would have a religious debate with the most learned member of the minority community. If the Muslim won the debate, all the Muslims could stay on. If the Pope won, all the Muslims would have to leave.

The Muslims realised they had no choice but to take up the Pope’s challenge. Now, the question arose as to who was their wisest, most learned member. Considering the enormity of the task, all the wise and learned Muslims backed off. The choice finally fell on Mullah Nasruddin, who was called upon to represent the Muslims. Mullah agreed to take on the Pope, but had one condition. Neither of them would be allowed to talk – they could only communicate by miming! The Pope agreed, since his victory was a foregone conclusion.

The day for the great debate arrived. Mullah Nasruddin and the Pope squared off against each other. The Pope began by raising his hand and indicating three fingers, alluding to the Holy Trinity. Mullah looked right back at him and raised his middle finger.

The Pope then waved his fingers in a circle around his head. In response, Mullah pointed to the ground and stomped his feet furiously.

The Pope next pulled out a wafer and a glass of wine, indicating the symbolic body and blood of christ. Mullah drew out an apple from his coat. The Pope was stumped. He stood up and admitted: “Mullah is too good! I give up. The Muslims can stay on.”

An hour after the great debate had concluded, all the cardinals flocked around the Pope, inquiring what had happened, since they had all been at a loss to comprehend the proceedings. The Pope explained: “When I first held up three fingers to indicate the Trinity, he showed one finger to remind me that there was only one God common to both religions. Next, I waved my finger to show that God was all around us. He pointed to the ground and stomped his feet, indicating that God was also right there with us. Finally, I pulled out the wafer and the wine, indicating that God absolves us of all our sins! He pulled out an apple that indicated the very first sin. Since he had an answer to everything, I had no option but to give up.”

On the other side of town the Muslims had crowded around Mullah Nasruddin to find out just how he had managed to pull off his sensational victory. “Well,” began Mullah, swelling his chest with pride. “First, the Pope told me that we Muslims had three days to get out of Jerusalem. I told him, ‘Up yours!’ Then he told me that the entire city would be cleared of Muslims. So I responded that we would stay right there and none of us was leaving this land.”

“Then what happened finally?” asked the onlookers excitedly.

“Oh, nothing. The Pope then took out his lunch and I simply produced my lunch too!”

There are times when we may be cornered and not know what exactly is going on. Under such circumstances, it is better to hold our nerve, continue the battle and bluff our way through. As they say, fortune favours the brave.

******

Nasruddin’s gift

Nasruddin had planted some date palms on the patch of land given by the king to him. One year, he had an excellent yield from the date palms and gifted the king a crate full of delicious dates. The king enjoyed them immensely and thanked Nasruddin profusely for his thoughtful gesture. Mullah was delighted that the king had savoured his gift.

The next year, Mullah planted watermelons on his land. After a bounty harvest, he decided to gift the king a sackful of watermelons. As he was on his way to the court, a friend accosted him: “Nasruddin, where are you taking this sackful of watermelons?”

“I’m on my way to gift these to the king,” Mullah revealed.

“You fool! What will the king do with a sackful of watermelons? If you must gift something, gift him some lovely carnations, the friend said.”

“Well, that seems like a good idea,” Nasruddin agreed. “Flowers would make a much better gift.”

So Nasruddin bought the best flowers he could and presented himself before the court. To his misfortune, however, the king was in a nasty mood as he had had a flaming row with his begum sahiba. The moment he spied the flowers, the king grabbed them from Nasruddin’s hands and flung them right back into his face.

Nasruddin beat a hasty retreat. On his way back home, Mullah thanked his lucky stars that he had met his friend on the way to the court. “Thank heavens I met my friend and he advised me to gift flowers instead of watermelons. I would surely have been killed had the king flung the sackful of watermelons right into my face!”

What is to happen will happen, no matter what course of action we take. In such situations, we should not delude ourselves that things could have been better or worse had we done otherwise, just as Nasruddin seems to think. The king was anyway in a foul mood and would have reacted in the same fashion irrespective of what gift Nasruddin had proffered.

******

Grammar vs. swimming

Mullah Nasruddin decided to take up a new occupation to keep the home fires burning. Realising that many people were now in the habit of going across the river on trade and business purposes, he bought a boat. From morning to night, Mullah spent his hours ferrying people across and earning himself a good income. He would also meet people from all walks of life, which helped broaden his horizons through the meaningful conversations he shared with his passengers.

One day, a teacher clambered abroad the boat. Talking about the neighbouring village, the teacher inquired whether the village headman was an affable character. Unsure about the question, Nasruddin responded: “I knows nothing of this.”

The teacher was taken aback at Mullah’s language and chided him: “Mullah Nasruddin, how can you speak so? Don’t you know it is: ‘I know nothing about this,’ and not ‘knows’. Didn’t you learn grammar in school? Half your life has gone waste in that case!”

Mullah was hurt by the admonition in the presence of so many other passengers, but decided to keep quiet. A few minutes later, a storm suddenly built up out of nowhere and strong waves lashed the boat. Realising the implications as the boat bucked and tossed in the angry waters, Mullah tapped the teacher on his shoulder and whispered: “My dear teacher, do you know how to swim?”

“Swim?” muttered the petrified teacher. “I never learnt to swim.”

“Oh!” said Mullah with a sad face. “What a pity! Now your whole life has gone waste, because this boat is about to sink!”

Life is not simply about grammar, book learning and school education. We also need to learn the practical rudiments of life that will be of help in day-to-day living and in times of crisis. Knowing to swim, cycle and other such rudiments can be of practical help to us and at times even save our lives during a crisis.

******

The burnt leg

In Mullah Nasruddin’s village there lived a poor man who was unlettered. The man one day came to Nasruddin’s house with a request: “Huzoor, will you please write a letter for me that I have to send my brother.”

“That is not possible. As you can see, I have badly burnt my foot,” said Nasruddin, sticking his foot out.

The poor man was taken aback by this strange response. “Pray,” he asked Mullah, “what does a burnt and bandaged foot have to do with writing my letter? Surely letters are written by hand! Your response makes no sense.”

“Well,” sighed Mullah, “my response makes a lot of sense if you consider it logically. As everyone knows, I have terrible handwriting. No one can read my writing – expect me. So if I wrote the letter to your brother, he would simply not be able to read and comprehend the contents. He would then want me to read out the contents to him and I would have to travel all the way to his village to do this. And as you can see, thanks to my burnt leg, there is no way I can travel. So kindly find someone else without a burnt leg to write your letter!”

If one does not want to do something, there is some excuse or the other that can be cooked up to avoid it. Even if the logic seems farfetched, the excuse can still come handy in avoiding the unwanted task.

******

The ‘excellent’ hunting trip

Much to Mullah’s horror and discomfiture, the king once invited him on a bear hunt. An invitation from the king to the hunt was something that anyone would have loved, as this was a rare privilege accorded to a person. But Nasruddin was not particularly fond of bears and would have rather not been invited. But an invitation from the king dared not be turned down. So Nasruddin decided to risk meeting the bear rather than inviting the king’s wrath.

After a hard day’s hunt, the shikar party returned back, with everyone in an indifferent mood – except Nasruddin who was beaming. The anxious villagers inquired from Mullah how the hunting trip had been. “Oh, it was excellent!” smiled Nasruddin.

“And how many bears did you manage to kill?” a villager asked.

“Not a single one!” Nasruddin’s smiled widened.

“Well, how many bears did the hunting party actually chase?” queried another man.

“We didn’t chase any bears at all!” Nasruddin’s smile flashed brighter.

“Then how many bears did you-all sight?” asked an old man in exasperation.

“Actually,” grinned Nasruddin, “we didn’t sight any bears at all!”

“Then how could you have had an excellent bear hunt if not even a single bear was sighted?” chorused the astonished villagers.

“Oh!” smirked Nasruddin wickedly. “Speaking for myself, the best thing that can happen on a bear hunt is not meeting a single bear!”

If we do not have the guts and gumption for risky ventures in life, like a hunting trip, it is better to stay away. But if this is not possible, one should go along and hope for the best – and things will work out just as we wish, if we hope so strongly for it.

******

The quarrelsome women

Two old ladies and a young man were travelling in a horse-driven carriage bound for a far-off village. Throughout the journey, the two old ladies kept quarrelling and did not allow the young man to either enjoy the scenic locales that went past or to sleep.

When the carriage halted at Mullah Nasruddin’s village, the man decided to seek Mullah’s help, as he had heard a lot about his homespun wisdom. The young man met Mullah and told him: “Huzoor, ever since the journey began, these two old ladies have been quarrelling and not allowing me to take any rest or enjoy the countryside view. The older woman sitting near one window of the carriage insists the window remain close, since she is asthmatic and would otherwise die of an attack. While the other woman insists the windows be kept open as she suffers from claustrophobia and would die of suffocation if the windows weren’t open. I am fed up of windows constantly being opened and closed and their non-stop bickering. What should I do?”

Mullah listened to the young man sympathetically and thought for a few seconds. Then he announced his solution: “The matter is actually very simple. First, keep the carriage windows open for an hour. That will surely kill off the asthmatic woman. Next, keep all the windows closed for an hour. That will kill the second woman. You can then enjoy your journey in peace thereafter!”

Without doubt, there is a solution for every problem on earth. Although some of them may not be practicable and recommendable – like the one Mullah narrated to solve the young man’s problem!

******

The elephantine request

Mullah Nasruddin was strapped for cash and decided to visit a rich man and see what he could inveigle out of him. At his request for money, the rich man asked Mullah: “But why does a man of simple means like you need so much money?”

“That’s because I’m planning to buy an elephant,” said Mullah without batting an eyelid.

“If you don’t have enough money to buy an elephant, how will you ever be able to look after it?” the man inquired.

“Look here,” Mullah shot back, “I came here to get money, not advice!”

There are times when people will give you loads of unsolicited advice, ignoring your actual request. All you can do is remind them that you seek material help, not advice.

******

The benefits of quarrelling

Like all good couples, Mullah and his wife occasionally had their running battles, at the end of which his wife would run away with a bagful of belongings to some relative or friend’s house. On the latest occasion when Mrs and Mr Nasruddin had a quarrel, the former stomped off in anger to her friend’s house.

But Mullah’s begum had landed up at her friend’s place at the wrong time and in the wrong circumstances, for there was a marriage in the house and her friend simply didn’t have the time or inclination to devote to their domestic quarrel. So she asked the family’s servants to ply the warring couple with food and drink and keep them occupied.

As Mullah and his wife continued their arguments between mouthfuls, Begum Nasruddin quite liked the food and decided she should bury the hatchet with her husband so that the food could be savoured without distraction. However, so as to keep the food fiesta going, they kept up an appearance of the quarrel, thanks to which they were plied with good food throughout the day.

At the end of the day, after they had had their fill of good food and drink, the couple announced that they had made up, thanks to the efforts of their hostess. All the people in the room broke into applause and patted the couple for burying their differences.

As Mullah and Begum Nasruddin made their way back home, Mullah patted his stomach with contentment: “Begum sahiba,” said Mullah, “I think we should quarrel more often – it is definitely good for our bellies!”

As they say, every dark cloud has a silver lining. Yet, that doesn’t mean we should take undue advantage of negative situations. Beyond a point, this will be counterproductive and people will see through our ruse.

******

The unwanted obligation

As he was walking past a pool of water one day, Mullah Nasruddin lost his footing and almost fell in. A passer-by grabbed Mullah, thereby saving him from a dunking in the cold water. Thereafter, whenever their paths crossed, the man never missed the opportunity to remind Mullah of the service he had rendered him.

One fine day, Mullah could take his obligation no longer. Taking the man by the hand towards the pool of water, Mullah jumped inside. “Now,” Nasruddin shouted from inside the pool, “I’m as wet as I would have been if you had not saved me. So that settles the obligation, right? Now just leave me alone!”

While doing a good turn is commendable, reminding the recipient about it every now and then detracts from the good deed. So do a good deed and never mention it thereafter, least of all to the person you helped.

******

Good or bad omen?

It was a bright summer morning and the king decided to go on a lion hunt (this was in the days when lions still existed in the mountains of central Asia). As the king’s entourage mounted their horses and set out, Mullah Nasruddin happened to cross their path. The king was furious – an astrologer had once told him that a mullah crossing the path of a hunting party was an extremely bad omen. The king ordered his guards to seize Nasruddin and give him a sound thrashing so that he would never be insolent enough to cross their path again.

Leaving Mullah battered and bruised by the roadside, the hunting party then continued on their way. Nursing his red bruises, Nasruddin picked himself up and wound his way painfully across the village. That day, however, the king’s entourage came across half a dozen lions and had a wonderful hunt, killing as many as five of them.

On the way back home, the king recalled how Mullah Nasruddin had crossed their path and received a sound thrashing. However, despite the astrologer’s prediction, they had had a wonderful hunt. So Mullah Nasruddin had actually turned out to be a good omen! Sending a courtier across to his home, the king asked Mullah Nasruddin to present himself in court.

When he arrived, the king apologised to Mullah, then thanked him and said that he had actually turned out to be a good omen for him, despite the astrologer having predicted that a mullah would be a bad omen.

“Bad omen!” fumed Mullah. “Who is a bad omen for whom? You saw me and had a wonderful hunt. But I saw you and was beaten up mercilessly. So who is a bad omen for whom?”

Astrologers are known to speak through their hat and their predictions should always be taken with a bucketful of salt. If we patronise astrologers, one thing is assured – the astrologer will make some money and we will have a lighter wallet!

******

Hidden wisdom

The king had heard a lot about the wisdom that existed in lands of the Far East. So he despatched Mullah Nasruddin to the Far East to imbibe some of this legendary wisdom. Mullah travelled across these ancient lands for some years and then returned home.

The king then asked him to submit a written report about all the wisdom he had imbibed on his sojourn abroad. The report reached the king. When he opened it, the king was mystified. There was just one word written on it: Carrots!

The king sent word that Mullah should present himself in court and clarify the matter. Nasruddin went to meet the king and explained: “In my travels in the Far East, I learned that the best wisdom is always buried, just like a carrot. And it is only the best farmer who can decipher from the colour and condition of the leaves about what lies beneath the soil. What lies beneath requires a lot of hard work and care before it fruits, else it will all go waste. And a whole lot of donkeys keep chasing what lies beneath.”

Much of traditional wisdom in ancient texts lies buried in cryptic words and verse. And while many fools might try to decipher the meaning of these cryptic works, it is only the truly wise who can persevere in their study and decipher their true meaning.

******

Borrowed woes

An old friend of Nasruddin, Kaleemuddin had come visiting Mullah one evening. As Nasruddin was just preparing to leave his home to visit a few friends and relatives to invite them for a family function, he decided to take Kaleemuddin along. “I don’t mind going along, except that I don’t have a proper winter coat. So please lend me one of yours and I will accompany you,” Kaleemuddin told Nasruddin.

Now Nasruddin was not in the habit of lending his coat to others, but in this instance he had no option. So Kaleemuddin donned one of Mullah’s coats and tagged along. At the first place they visited, Mullah introduced Kaleemuddin with, “And this is my childhood friend Kaleemuddin, who happens to be wearing my coat, incidentally.”

Kaleemuddin felt insulted by this introduction, but waited until they were out of the house before berating Nasruddin: “What was the need to mention the fact that I was wearing your coat? Don’t make such silly talk ever again.”

So at the next house, Nasruddin decided to change tack: “This is my old friend Kaleemuddin, and the coat that he is wearing, rest assured it is his, not mine!”

Once again, Kaleemuddin was furious but could do nothing until they were out of earshot: “Why did you have to mention that stupid coat? Can’t you simply keep it out of the introduction?”

“Oh, I was simply trying to undo the damage I had done at the first house,” smiled Nasruddin.

“You don’t do anything of that sort. Simply keep the coat out of the introduction, Kaleemuddin said.”

At the third house, Nasruddin said: “This is my childhood friend, Kaleemuddin. He has come visiting me just this evening. But coming to the coat he is wearing… Oh! Don’t worry, Kaleemuddin. I will not mention anything about the coat at all!”

If we wish to discourage others from borrowing our things, there are many ways to do so, the easier being a straightforward rejection of the request. However, when this is not possible, we will have to resort to subtle or not-so-subtle ruses to get our message across, which Nasruddin seems to be a past master at!

******

Good deeds for the needy

Mullah went across to his neighbour one day and said: “Please donate some money. I am making a collection on behalf of a needy man who is saddled with debts and needs the help of kind and generous souls like you.”

The neighbour was impressed. “How come somebody like you is now into helping needy people, Mullah? Anyway, I always give to a good cause, so here is some money,” the man responded. “By the way, who is this needy man you are helping?”

Mullah Nasruddin hastily pocketed the money, walked towards the door and then turned to respond: “Well, since you ask – the needy man is none other than Mullah Nasruddin!” Before the man could respond, Mullah had already shown a clean pair of heels.

A couple of months later, Mullah returned to the same neighbour with the same plea: “Please donate some money so that a needy man can clear his debts and steer clear of trouble.”

“Mullah Nasruddin, you cannot pull the same con on me twice! I know you are collecting money for your own debts,” the neighbour snarled.

“I swear by the Almighty, this is not true,” Mullah swore. “This time I am not collecting money to pay off my debts.”

“Oh, okay,” the man relented and fished some money out of his pocket. Once again, Mullah quickly pocketed the money, before the man asked inconvenient questions or lest he changed his mind.

“That was very kind of you. May God bless you!” Mullah said and quickly tried to beat a hasty retreat.

“But how is it that you are suddenly doing a good turn for some other man, Mullah?” the man asked.

“Oh, that’s a pretty simple matter! You see, this time around the needy man happens to be someone who owes me some money!” Mullah smiled, before disappearing in a twinkle.

No doubt Abraham Lincoln said you cannot fool all the people all the time. But you can surely turn the same excuse around and fool the same person for a second time, which is just what Mullah did.

******

The soup story

An old friend of Nasruddin once came visiting and brought along a big chicken. Mullah’s wife cooked the chicken and they enjoyed the feast for dinner. The next morning, they had delicious chicken soup that Mullah’s wife prepared. The friend enjoyed his short stay with Mullah.

The next day when he was leaving, Mullah returned his friend’s profuse thanks by thanking the latter for bringing the big chicken along.

An hour after his friend had left Mullah heard a knock on the door. When he opened the door, a man introduced himself and quickly entered: “I am a friend of your friend who brought you that big chicken!”

Reluctant to insult the friend of a friend, Mullah invited the man inside and asked him to stay back for lunch. They had some lovely chicken stew for lunch, which the man also enjoyed. Having eaten like a glutton, the man left thanking Mullah profusely for the tasty chicken.

A couple of hours later, there was a knock on the door and Mullah beheld another stranger before him. “I am the friend of your friend’s friend,” the man smiled.

Again, not wanting to turn away the friend of a friend’s friend, Mullah invited him inside and asked him to stay back for dinner. The man accepted hurriedly. He too feasted on some delicious chicken stew and left smacking his lips some time later.

Barely had the man left, there was another knock and another stranger at the door! The friend-of-a-friend story all because of a chicken was now getting Mullah’s goat! “My house has been turned into an eating house!” Mullah muttered to himself as he permitted the man to enter.

The next day too there was no respite as another man entered with the same tale: “I am a friend of the friend of the friend of the friend of the friend of the friend who had come here with a huge chicken!”

Mullah smiled weakly and asked the man to come right in and have a meal. The man entered hurriedly, smacking his lips in anticipation of a tasty chicken meal. A few minutes later, a bowl of soup was placed before him. Just one sip told the man that this ‘soup’ was nothing but boiled water.

“This is nothing but boiled water!” the man protested angrily.

“Not at all!” Mullah smiled wickedly. “This is the soup of the soup of the soup of the soup of the soup of the soup of the chicken!”

When people take advantage of your generosity and hospitality, do not turn them away rudely. Instead, invite them in and serve them a lesson they will never forget for a long time to come – just as Mullah did by serving the soup of the soup of the soup…

******

Donkey’s monkey tricks!

Mullah’s donkey always indulged in some monkey tricks in order to avoid work. One sunny morning Mullah had loaded his donkey with sacks of salt and was going to the market. At one point, they had to cross a river. As donkey and master were wading across, the creature lost its balance and fell headlong into the water. By the time it had struggled to regain its feet, all the sacks of salt were soaked through and through and within minutes the salt melted. As they emerged from the water, the donkey suddenly realised its heavy load had disappeared. Pleased as punch, the donkey threw Mullah a wicked grin and brayed with pleasure.

Realising the reason for the donkey’s wicked grin, Mullah swore below his breath and decided to teach his ass a lesson he wouldn’t forget in a long time.

A week later, Mullah and his donkey were again preparing to cross the river. Once again, the donkey was weighed down with heavy sacks. The moment the animal sighted water, it laughed wickedly: HEHAW, HEHAW, HEHAW! Mullah knew what was behind that laugh.

The moment they had entered the water, the donkey took a headlong dive. Braying loudly, he lay down in the water, watching Mullah’s reaction. Nasruddin remained unruffled and waited for the animal to regain its feet. The donkey stood up and struggled out of the water, expecting its load to have lightened considerably. To its horror and consternation, its load had almost doubled and it could barely put one foot before the other!

This time it was Mullah’s turn to laugh wickedly. “You stupid ass!” Mullah brayed. “The sacks you are carrying happen to be bales of cotton, which are now twice as heavy, having been soaked silly by your antics! You thought you could make an ass out of me a second time, eh!”

If someone fools you with a dirty trick, play a fast one on him the second time around by using his very own stratagem to trip him. Once you do this, even enemies will think twice before trying to make an ass of you.

******

Wise or foolish?

It was a cold winter evening and villagers from Mullah’s neighbouring village were having a heated discussion on whether Mullah Nasruddin was really a wise man or not. The consensus was that he was indeed a wise man. But one man spoke vehemently to the contrary. “Wise man my foot!” he hissed. “Nasruddin is no wise man at all.”

“How can you say that?” challenged another. “Can you substantiate your claim?”

“Of course, I can!” the Nasruddin-baiter insisted. “I had once visited Nasruddin’s home on some personal work on a cold winter evening. He was sitting in a corner near the fireplace, blowing into his hands. ‘What are you doing, Mullah Nasruddin?’ I enquired from him. ‘I am blowing into my hands, trying to keep my cold hands warm,’ he replied.

“Some time later, his wife came into the room bearing two bowls of hot soup. As I tucked into my soup, I found Mullah blowing into his soup. ‘What are you doing, Nasruddin?’ I inquired. ‘I am simply blowing into my hot soup to cool it down,’ Mullah replied.

“Now tell me, how can you-all call a man wise when he blows into his cold hands to keep them warm and blows into his hot soup to cool it? Would a wise man do the same thing for two different purposes?”

It is very easy to run down a man and insist he is foolish, not wise, if we ourselves are foolish. It takes some measure of wisdom to recognise a truly wise man.

******

The lifesaving fish

Mullah had been travelling for months and he finally reached Hindustan, the fabled land he had heard so much about, where milk, honey and wisdom flowed freely. As he was walking through a forest, he saw a rishi sitting in a clearing, meditating. Mullah sat at his feet and waited patiently for the rishi to open his eyes.

A few hours later, the rishi opened his eyes and noticed Mullah Nasruddin. “What brings you here, son?” the rishi asked Mullah.

“I have come from a far-off country, O wise man,” Nasruddin replied, “seeking the wisdom of this holy land.”

“You are welcome to stay with me for as long as you please, my son,” the rishi told him.

Over the next few hours, Mullah asked him numerous questions related to worldly and metaphysical affairs. The rishi replied sagely, telling Mullah that the entire universe was a living entity and even Mother Earth was a living organism. Every creature, big or small, had an atman or soul. This is why all creatures end up doing good, ultimately.

“I agree with you wholeheartedly,” Mullah affirmed. “Why, once a fish saved me from certain death!”

The rishi was pleased with this revelation and told Mullah he must spend at least a few weeks with him, while they exchanged the wisdom of each other’s lands. So for the next few weeks Mullah enjoyed the hospitality of the rishi, eating the most delectable fruits and vegetables and exchanging stories.

One evening, the rishi said, “Son, you must tell me the story of how a fish saved your life. You are truly blessed to have had such an experience.”

“Indeed, I must tell you this story,” Mullah agreed. “Many years ago when I was visiting some strange land, I had been walking for days without any food and water. I knew that if I didn’t discover some kind of habitation I would soon be dead from hunger and thirst. Then, thanks to the Blessed Lord, I saw a lake in the distance. I knew I would be able to find some sustenance there and walked hurriedly towards it, although I was on the verge of fainting from sheer exhaustion.”

“Then?” inquired the seer.

“Well, I reached the lake and hurriedly leaned across to drink its cool and refreshing water,” Mullah revealed.

“And then you must have fallen into the lake and the fish somehow saved you from drowning?” the rishi asked expectantly.

“Not exactly! Having quenched my thirst, I felt somewhat refreshed. So I quickly caught a fish from the river that was foolish enough to come within reach, cooked it over a fire and had a delicious meal. I tell you if that fish hadn’t been stupid enough to swim into my hands I would have surely died of hunger. No doubt that good fish saved my life!” Nasruddin affirmed.

Some good comes out of everything in life, even if inadvertently. There is no such thing as evil. What is evil from one perspective could be lifesaving from another angle. So although the seer would not have approved Mullah’s flesh-eating ways and considered flesh akin to poison, the meal kept Mullah going for some more time. Indeed, one man’s food is another man’s poison.

******

The shifty thief

Mullah Nasruddin returned late one evening and stopped short on finding the door to his house open. Apprehensive, he went to the other side and peeped through the window, rather than risk entering the open door. Inside, Mullah was shocked to see a thief rummaging through his household items. It was too late and most of the neighbours could be asleep, Mullah thought. Besides, there could be more than one thief, so it was better to keep quiet and follow the proceedings.

A short while later, the thief emerged with a sack full of stolen goods, which he loaded on his waiting donkey. He then mounted the donkey and faded into the night at a canter. Mullah Nasruddin quickly began following the donkey, intent on finding out where the thief was going. The thief rode for a couple of dozen furlongs and the donkey then halted before a nondescript dwelling. The thief quietly began to unload the donkey before his house.

Sizing up the situation in a thrice, Mullah quickly entered the man’s house and lay down on his bed, pulling a blanket over himself.

Five minutes later, the thief entered his house and on noticing someone occupying his bed he bellowed: “Who the hell are you? And what are you doing in my house and in my bed?”

“Your house? Your bed?” Mullah Nasruddin feigned surprise. “But I thought you brought all my goods here because you were helping me shift houses!”

When somebody takes you by surprise, remain cool, collect your wits and then turn the tables on the other person by taking him by surprise – rather than confronting the person immediately, when he may be prepared for such an eventuality and react violently. Mullah does it beautifully in this tale and succeeds in getting the message across that the thief had stolen his goods.

******

The stupid fool!

A learned man from a neighbouring village had come to Mullah Nasruddin’s house to have a debate with him. Since they had fixed a prior day and time for the visit, the man was deeply offended and angry when he saw that Mullah’s door was locked.

“How dare he go off like that when he knew I was coming!” the man fumed. Overcome by anger, the man scribbled STUPID FOOL! on Mullah’s door and stomped away in disgust.

When Mullah returned in the evening, he read the words STUPID FOOL! on his door and immediately realised what had transpired. Without tarrying for even a minute, he went to the learned man’s house post-haste.

Knocking on the man’s door, Mullah apologised the moment it was opened: “My sincere apologies, my friend, for not remembering that you were coming over for a debate. But I realised you had come over the moment I saw your signature on my door!”

When somebody insults you, learn how to pay him back in the same coin in a diplomatic manner. Although Mullah was to blame initially, the learned man let anger cloud his senses and responded rudely. But Mullah turned the tables in a very smart manner.

******

Encounter with Chambal dacoits

The villagers were all sitting around the campfire while Nasruddin regaled them with his encounters during a visit to Hindustan. Mullah told them about the time he was going past the Chambal Valley, which was infested with dacoits even in those ancient times.

“But weren’t you scared of the fearsome Chambal dacoits?” asked a villager in awe.

“Scared? Oh, there was no question of being scared. In fact, I made the Chambal dacoits drop their weapons and run for all they were worth!” boasted Mullah.

“You made the Chambal dacoits run?” said the amazed villagers. “How was that possible?”

“Oh, it was all really very simple. The moment I sighted the dacoits, I ran for all I was worth and they chased me for all they were worth – even dropping their heavy weapons to keep up the chase!”

You don’t have to be brave to be able to narrate exploits of bravery – you simply need to have a way with words! This is an art that Mullah Nasruddin displayed on numerous occasions.

******

The stolen coat

It was a freezing winter that year. To make matters worse for Nasruddin, somebody had stolen the only coat he had. When Mullah came to know of the theft, he was beside himself with rage, cursing the thief roundly, threatening that he knew who had stolen his coat and the man had better return it, otherwise…

Word spread quickly across town about the theft of Mullah’s coat, his curses and threats against the thief and the fact that the thief had better return the coat otherwise…

It so happened that the man who had stolen the coat also heard about the threats and about Mullah’s claim that he knew who had stolen it and the thief had better return the coat, otherwise… The thief now grew very concerned about Mullah’s unspoken threat. What action would Mullah take against him, he wondered. Suppose he told the king, whom he was close to, the thief worried.

Not wanting to push his luck any further, that very night the thief returned to Mullah’s home and left the coat behind while Nasruddin was fast asleep.

The next morning, Mullah was delighted to find his coat and realised his threat had worked. As the neighbours gathered around him, one man inquired: “Mullah Nasruddin, what would you have done if the thief had not returned the coat?”

Everyone leaned forward curiously to hear what dreadful action Mullah had planned against the thief. Mullah smiled at all the people gathered there: “Well, if the thief had not returned my coat, I would have gone to the market and purchased another one!”

There are times when we must use bluff and bluster to get something done by keeping our opponent guessing. Unable to comprehend what action we will take, the man would most likely fall for the threat and react just the way we want.

******

An arrow through the heart

The night was darker than usual and Mullah Nasruddin was restless and unable to sleep. As he sat up and looked out the window, he noticed a white shape in the garden. Taking it to be an intruder, Mullah quickly grabbed his bow and arrow, took careful aim and shot the intruder right through the heart. Hearing the arrow hit its target, he went out to investigate the trespasser’s identity.

Moments later he came rushing back into the house. Noticing her husband shaking like a leaf, his wife inquired what the matter was.

“I have just had a very narrow escape and must thank my stars for this. A minute ago I shot my shirt mistaking it for some intruder. The arrow entered right in the centre. Just imagine what would have happened had I been in the shirt. I would have been dead by now!”

It is always better to look on the brighter side of things, whatever the situation. In this instance, Mullah is visualising a scenario that is not possible, thanks to his foolishness. All the same, this is still better than looking at things negatively!

******

Tipping tactics

Nasruddin had been hearing a lot about the famous Turkish baths and their steamy massage parlours. So one day he went to check out the services himself. He entered a well-lit massage parlour and two attendants came to take care of his needs. But looking at his nondescript clothes and appearance, they decided his pockets would be comparatively light, unlike some of the rich customers. So they gave him a skimpy, perfunctory massage to be done with faster and thereby move on to a rich customer.

After the massage was over, Mullah gave both the masseurs a gold coin each. The attendants were taken aback as they had not expected Mullah to be of rich means.

The next week, Mullah was back at the massage parlour. This time around, the attendants massaged him for all they were worth while two other attendants stood in attendance. Why, they even used their best aromatic oils procured from Egypt and gave him a head massage too.

Massage done, Mullah nonchalantly dipped into his pockets and gave the attendants a copper coin each. The attendants were taken aback and looked at Mullah Nasruddin in anger and surprise. Before they could say a word, Mullah cut them short: “The copper coins of today are for last week’s massage. The gold coins of last week were for today’s massage!”

Indeed, this is an excellent tactic when you stay at an outstation resort or hotel. Tip the waiters and steward heavily the moment you land there and for the duration of your stay you will receive VIP treatment. When you are leaving, you are welcome to give them just a modest departure tip, explaining that you had already given the hefty farewell tip when you arrived and the modest departure tip of now is actually the arrival tip!

******

Mullah and the king

The villagers one day noticed Mullah Nasruddin running towards them and he seemed very excited. “Believe it or not, I have some excellent news today,” Nasruddin said breathlessly.

“What is it?” the villagers asked sceptically.

“Well, I met the king today and he spoke to me!” Mullah revealed.

The villagers were suddenly very impressed: “That’s really great! And what did the king tell you?”

“Well, the king seemed in a great hurry and couldn’t spend much time with me. But he said: ‘Get out of my way, you stupid fool!’” revealed Nasruddin.

There are some people who will use any excuse to show they are acquainted with film stars, sportspersons or famous personalities. Mullah used one such ruse to boast that the king “spoke” to him!

******

The real donkey

There was one thing that got on Mullah’s wife’s nerves more than Mullah did – his donkey! And there was no love lost between Mullah and the donkey either. So one fine day, Mullah decided he would sell the donkey so that they could improve their standard of living and live peacefully. Mullah and the donkey both marched to the marketplace, each glad they would finally be rid of the other! At the marketplace, Mullah told the auctioneer to put his ass on the block, so to speak.

Hours later that evening Nasruddin returned home all smiles. His wife was eagerly awaiting his arrival to find out how much he had secured on getting rid of the donkey. “Well?” she looked at him inquiringly.

“Well,” Mullah smiled back, “you will never guess what a bargain I got. That auctioneer was too good. He kept praising our donkey’s qualities when it was put up for auction. ‘Has anyone seen such a healthy and fit donkey?’ the man inquired from the crowd.”

“The donkey had to be healthy,” Mullah’s wife scowled. “He did nothing but munch all day long.”

“Oh, then the people began bidding one by one. One man even went up to 10 gold pieces within minutes.”

“Really?” his wife’s eyes lit up with joy. “I hope you sold it to this man.”

“No way,” Mullah said. “Then another was willing to pay 15 gold coins…”

“And you sold it to him,” Mullah’s wife said in anticipation.

“Of course not!” it was Mullah’s turn to scowl. “The bids finally reached 25 gold coins. People were bidding frantically against each other to bag the wonderful donkey that the marvellous auctioneer kept describing again and again.”

“So you sold it for 25 gold coins?” Mullah’s wife asked.

“Oh no!” Mullah frowned. “The bids went higher and then finally…”

“And finally you sold the donkey for 30 gold coins!” his wife screamed with joy. “And finally…” suddenly she stopped in mid-sentence. From outside the house she heard the unmistakeable braying of a donkey!

“And finally,” Mullah smiled in triumph, “I outbid all the other bidders and purchased this wonderful donkey the auctioneer kept describing for 30 gold coins!”

In whatever we do, we must ensure we do not get carried away with the excitement of events or the moment. We will always secure better results if we conduct our affairs in a cool, detached manner and with an analytical outlook. The moment we get carried away, emotions will cloud our judgement and we will end up paying more than what something deserves – or worse, end up paying for our own goods, just as Mullah did with his donkey!

******

Mullah’s fishing trip

Mullah Nasruddin and his friend Noor Mohammed hired a boat and went on a fishing trip. They had a very good time and landed a very large haul, catching a total of 33 fish between them. Overjoyed, Mullah told Noor Mohammed: “Mark this spot. We can come here regularly to fish.”

Noor Mohammed agreed.

The next day, the duo was back at the lake, seeking to have another wonderful afternoon fishing. “You marked the spot yesterday, didn’t you?” inquired Mullah.

“Of course, I did,” Noor said. “I painted a big white cross on the bottom of the boat.”

“You bloody fool!” screamed Mullah Nasruddin, bonking Noor over the head in exasperation. “What if we don’t get to hire the same boat today?”

As they say, birds of a feather flock together. Mullah and Noor Mohammed had competing IQs!

******

The peasant’s donkey

A peasant had lost his donkey – which happened to be his bread and butter – and went looking for it with a long rope. Before long, whom should he run into but Mullah Nasruddin, who enquired what he planned to do with such a long rope!

“I’ve just lost my precious donkey and I’m looking for it high and low,” the peasant moaned.

“In that case,” Mullah said, “let me join you in the search and we will look for your donkey together.”

Mullah led the peasant to the nearest drinking house. Entering, he asked all the men present: “Okay, who amongst you doesn’t smoke, drinks neither tea nor coffee or have vices of any kind?”

Only one man raised his hand. Nasruddin pointed to the man and told the peasant: “Go put your rope around this man. He certainly is a donkey!”

It is verily said that one man’s food is another man’s poison. So while a few might consider men without vices to be paragons of virtue, the majority might consider such men to be donkeys!

******

God’s grace

Mullah Nasruddin was standing at the tea vendor’s shack sipping a hot cup of tea when he noticed Maulana Asghar running hell for leather since it had just begun raining. The Maulana and Mullah had had bitter exchanges in the past over some religious interpretations. Suddenly, Mullah decided to capitalise on the situation.

“Maulana Asghar, why are running like a hare trying to flee from the rain? The rains are God’s blessing from heaven meant for all beings on earth. You are showing utter disrespect to God’s grace by running away from the rain,” Nasruddin called out above the downpour.

The Maulana stopped dead in his tracks: “Oh God! This thought had never occurred to me before. I guess you have a point.” Maulana Asghar slowed to a walk and reached home fully drenched.

Some minutes later as he was drying himself with a towel, Maulana Asghar noticed Mullah Nasruddin rushing past – himself trying to escape the rain!

“Mullah Nasruddin, why are you running away from the rain, which is God’s grace? Aren’t you committing a sacrilege?” the Maulana called out indignantly.

“No doubt it is God’s grace,” Mullah shouted back. “But I am not committing a sacrilege but avoiding it! You see, the rain being God’s grace, I don’t want to commit a sacrilege by stepping over it repeatedly!”

When you are having a running battle with someone, it is best to capitalise on everyone situation to keep the opponent off guard. And when the other person tries to hit back with your own argument, turn the argument on its head to make a fool of him! Mullah Nasruddin does this with finesse in the above story.

******

Multiple tasks at one go

There were many idiosyncrasies of Nasruddin that drove people up the wall. One such quirk irritated a rich man, Abdul Khayyam, whom Mullah once happened to be working for. On one occasion Khayyam asked Mullah to get him half a dozen eggs. It was nearly an hour when Mullah returned saying that all the eggs were in the kitchen. Khayyam inquired why a ten-minute chore should have taken an hour. Nasruddin replied in all earnestness that he had to make half a dozen trips to the egg seller to ensure none of the eggs broke on the way – he had purchased one egg at a time!

Khayyam screamed that Mullah could have accomplished the same task in one trip without breaking any of the eggs. He berated Nasruddin and told him to accomplish multiple tasks within a short span of time rather than one task in a long span of time. Nasruddin decided this was something he must do in future.

A few days later, Khayyam lay very ill and he asked Mullah to fetch the doctor immediately. An hour later, Nasruddin was back. Khayyam wondered why he took an hour to fetch the doctor.

“Master, I have fetched the doctor. And all the others are waiting in the courtyard,” Mullah told the rich man.

Khayyam was alarmed about who the “others” were and asked Mullah to clarify, since he had only asked him to fetch the doctor.

“Well,” Mullah cleared his throat. “I followed your instructions of doing multiple tasks at one time. Therefore, I brought the chemist so that he could give the medicines the doctor prescribes. I also brought the coal merchant along, just in case more coal was required to keep you warm. I brought the local priest too, in case his prayers were required to augment the doctor’s treatment. And finally, in the event that none of this helped and you became dear to Allah, I also asked the undertaker to come along to measure your body for the coffin!”

There are some characters like Mullah Nasruddin who cannot be trusted with instructions, as they could interpret it any way but the right one! In such cases, it is safer to give specific advice so that there are no misinterpretations leading to the kind of scene witnessed in the above story.

******

Nasruddin’s trophy

An army contingent was once passing through Nasruddin’s village when they decided to break journey and have refreshments and rest. As the village folk gathered around the soldiers, the latter regaled the villagers with tales of their military exploits. Mullah listened to their tales of heroism for a couple of hours and could then contain himself no longer.

“I have a similar tale to tell,” Nasruddin announced and villagers and soldiers looked at him in surprise. Mullah was no soldier and they wondered what tale of valour he could have to narrate.

“When enemy troops had once invaded our village, I cut off the right leg of an enemy soldier and took it to the king. The king was so pleased with my exploit that he rewarded me with 10 gold coins,” Nasruddin crowed.

“What a shame!” said a sceptical soldier. “You should have cut off his head and the king would have rewarded you with 100 gold coins.”

“Nonsense!” retorted Mullah. “How could I have done that? One of our soldiers had already cut off this man’s head minutes before!”

When others are relating tales of valour and you wish to join the bandwagon – even if you don’t qualify! – you will have to economise with the truth and hide inconvenient facts. This was something that Mullah failed to do. But in the long run you could get far ahead in life by always speaking the truth, rather than economising on it.

******

The question of hospitality

A group of men were discussing the subject of hospitality. As usual, Mullah Nasruddin couldn’t contain himself for long. “Beyond a shadow of doubt, I am the most hospitable man in this village,” Mullah insisted.

“Oh! Is that so? Then why don’t you prove your credentials by treating all of us to a sumptuous lunch?” Mullah’s friends chorused.

Finding himself in a bind, Mullah had no choice but to agree. “Of course! Why not?” Nasruddin retorted and began walking towards his house with the others in tow. Halfway through, Mullah was assailed by doubts: “Look, why don’t I go ahead and warn my wife that a group of my friends is coming for lunch, right?”

The men were more than willing for this, so Nasruddin walked quickly to his house. Once he had explained his predicament to his wife, she blew her top: “How dare you call all your good-for-nothing friends for a free meal! Anyway, there are no rations at home, so there is no way I can cook a meal for so many people.”

“The only way out, begum, is for you to tell my friends that I’m not at home when they ask for me,” cajoled Mullah. His wife readily agreed.

Meanwhile, Nasruddin’s friends waited outside for a considerable while, before patience overcame them. They marched towards the door and knocked furiously. “Where is Mullah Nasruddin? Ask him to come out. He has kept us waiting for too long,” the men fumed.

“My husband is not at home,” Nasruddin’s better half lied through her teeth.

“What!” the men screamed. “We saw him enter the house more than an hour ago and he did not re-emerge. So how can he not be in the house? He couldn’t have left the house without our noticing him,” the men insisted.

Mullah’s wife was at a loss for words, so the men took up positions bang outside the door. Exasperated by their refusal to go away and his wife’s inability to handle the situation, Mullah forgot himself, as was his wont. “You fools!” he yelled at the top of his lungs. “I may have entered from the front door. But couldn’t I have left from the back door without you-all noticing?!”

Always think twice before taking up any bet or offer, lest you be unable to fulfil the conditions. In the event you fail, you will need a foolproof ruse to get away scot-free. In either case, your situation is unenviable. So it’s better to avoid self-righteous assertions that cannot be backed up and refrain from accepting challenges blindly.

******

The right number of plums

Mullah Nasruddin set out to meet a judge and took along three plums with him as a gift. On the way, he happened to meet a friend who asked him where he was headed. “I’m going to meet the Qazi (judge) and have taken along three plums as a gift for him,” Nasruddin revealed.

“Why are you taking him three plums? Two are more than enough,” the man insisted.

“Is it?” Nasruddin wondered and promptly ate one plum.

Some time later, Mullah happened to meet another friend who asked the same question. On being told he was taking two plums for the judge, the man claimed that two were too much and one was more than sufficient. So Nasruddin promptly ate another plum.

When Nasruddin reached the judge’s house, he happened to be carrying just one plum. As he presented himself before the judge, the man inquired: “What is that you have Nasruddin?”

“It’s a plum, your Lordship,” Mullah answered.

“And how exactly is it eaten?” the judge queried.

“Simple – in this way!” said Mullah Nasruddin and promptly swallowed the third plum.

Never listen to unsolicited advice offered by Tom, Dick and Harry. More often than not, people will proffer advice just for the heck of it, without bothering about the consequences of their advice. And if you end up listening to different people, you will never be able to accomplish whatever it is that you set out to do.

******

The gold ring

While walking through the marketplace, Mullah Nasruddin once chanced upon a beautiful gold ring. He swiftly pocketed it and was quickly proceeding home when a thought struck him. According to the laws of the kingdom, a person who found something had to go to the market square and shout out what he had found thrice. If nobody came forward to claim the article after three shouts, the finder could become the owner. Mullah desperately wanted to keep the gold ring. But at the same time, he did not wish to break any laws of the kingdom. So he decided that the best course of action was…

Well past midnight, Mullah Nasruddin went to the market square. “I have found a gold ring in the market street! I have found a gold ring in the market street! I have found a gold ring in the market street!” Mullah called out hurriedly.

Naturally, people were sleeping at that late hour and it took them some moments to rouse themselves out of slumber and wonder what Mullah had said. As a crowd collected around him curiously, one of the persons asked: “Mullah Nasruddin, what was it you were saying?”

“According to the laws of the kingdom, I must simply call out thrice and need not repeat what I have said for a fourth time. Therefore, there is no way I am going to tell you what I said,” Mullah smiled in triumph. “But all I can say is that I am now the owner of a beautiful gold ring!”

Sometimes, we need to meet statutory requirements but may lose something in the bargain. So Mullah found a novel way out, while following the law as well as serving his vested interest. But he couldn’t control his tongue and revealed the secret indirectly. So even if you use the loopholes in law to meet your requirements, you will have to learn to keep your mouth shut so that your secret is never revealed.

******

The thirsty ruse

Nasruddin went on regular travels to other lands to broaden his horizons and learn about other cultures. On one occasion, he reached an inn late at night. The owner was delighted that Mullah Nasruddin would be his guest for the night. “O Mullah, I am honoured that a man like you will be putting up at my place. It will be a pleasure for my servants and me to look after your every need. In case you require anything at night, simply call out and one of us will be at your service immediately.”

Mullah was flattered to be accorded such respect in a strange land. Well past midnight, Mullah awoke with a searing thirst. “Water! Water!” he called out into the darkness of the night, but there was no response. “WATER! WATER!” he repeated at the top of his voice, but still nobody came at his call.

Nasruddin was now exasperated and angry, besides being thirsty. He knew that if he didn’t get water within minutes, his mouth would be on fire. So he tried another tack: “FIRE! FIRE!” he yelled at the top of his lungs.

Within a minute nearly half the inn seemed to have descended upon him, carrying pitchers of water. “Where? Where is the fire?” asked the owner of the inn in alarm, looking all around in vain.

“Here! Right here!” said Mullah, indicating his mouth.

There are many moments of big and small crises when the standard approach will fail to yield results. In such cases, you have to use your grey cells and word your plea differently to elicit an instant response. A shout of WATER! WATER! in the dead of night is not alarming. But FIRE! FIRE! definitely is! You could apply the same approach to many situations in life with excellent results. However, this approach might only work once with each person!

******

The pile of bones

On a rare occasion, Mullah Nasruddin and Maulana Asghar had to attend a religious meeting in another town and decided to go there together, tolerating each other’s company. As they entered this town, hunger gnawed at their insides and they decided to have a bite at the nearest inn.

In the inn, Maulana Asghar inquired what was on the menu. The innkeeper said: “We have this as well as that.”

“Fine, bring me this and that, one portion each,” Maulana said.

The innkeeper turned to Nasruddin, who said: “I’ll have the same stuff as Maulana.”

Well, this and that turned out to be some lovely mutton and chicken dishes, which the duo relished. Maulana Asghar ate all the meat and carefully kept the bones aside on his spare plate. Sensing an opportunity to pull a fast one again, Mullah Nasruddin ate all his meat but quietly placed all the bones in Maulana Asghar’s spare plate.

After they were done, they beckoned the innkeeper to come and settle the bill. As was the practice, they always went Dutch. Maulana settled his bill and then Nasruddin inquired: “And what has my bill worked out to?”

“Since you had the same meal, you owe the same amount,” the innkeeper answered.

“What?” Mullah frowned. “How is that possible? I had very little meat in my dishes. Maulana had most of the meat. Look at his plate, it is full of bones!”

Maulana sized up the situation in a thrice and realised what Mullah was up to: “Mullah Nasruddin, please pay up without creating a scene. You know I am not a dog like you who also eats all the bones along with the meat!”

This unexpected support was enough for the innkeeper who glared threateningly at Mullah: “Pay up huzoor or else!”

Mullah paid up quickly without demur, realising this was another of his off days with Maulana Asghar!

Whenever we play a trick on our longstanding opponent, we should ensure there are no loopholes whereby our argument can be turned on its head and used against us – as Maulana Asghar cleverly did!

******

The ram roast

Nasruddin had a lovely huge ram that the people in the village had been eyeing for quite some time. Everyone knew that the ram would make a delicious meal sufficient for the entire village. So one day some villagers approached Nasruddin and said: “Mullah, do you know the world is going to end tomorrow? So why don’t all of us celebrate?”

Nasruddin felt that was a good idea and quickly agreed. “Then why don’t we have a final party by the riverside? You roast your ram and we will bring all the drinks,” one sly villager suggested.

Mullah was game for this too. But he told the villagers to come in their best clothes. So everybody arrived at the riverbank in his best clothes. As Nasruddin slaughtered his ram and began to roast it, people took off their clothes and dived into the river to have a bath. While the villagers were busy bathing in the river, Nasruddin collected all their clothes and put it into the bonfire to roast the ram.

When the villagers returned from their bath, they were concerned: “Nasruddin, where are all our clothes?”

“Your clothes?” Mullah responded nonchalantly. “I’ve burnt all of them in the bonfire to roast the ram.”

“But why would you do such a thing? What will we do without our clothes?” the villagers cried.

“Clothes? What do you-all need clothes now? As you know, the world is going to end tomorrow. We came into this world naked, so we shall leave this world naked. Tomorrow!” Mullah roared with laughter.

There may be occasions when the people whom we consider simpletons may simply be playing the fool and are actually smarter than we think. This fact is amply illustrated in this story.

******

The crooked bull

Mullah Nasruddin was ploughing his field one day. Strangely, each time the furrow came out crooked Nasruddin beat up the old bull. A passer-by noticed that it was the young bull that was to blame and inquired from Mullah: “Hey, Mullah, why are you unnecessarily beating that poor old bull? Don’t you realise that it’s the young bull that’s making the crooked furrows?”

“I know exactly what’s going on!” Mullah scowled. “I’m beating the old bull because he’s the one that keeps teaching the young bull all these bad habits!”

Applied to bulls, this story may be all bull! But there’s no doubt that when it comes to humans, it is the parents and elders who more often than not set a bad example for youngsters. Simply by preaching something and not practising it ourselves we cannot ensure that our children will follow an honest life. Each of us must walk the talk if we expect our children to do so.

******

The special donkey

Nasruddin was busy at work when it suddenly began to rain. Taking off his clothes quickly, he placed them under him on his donkey’s saddle and continued on his merry way, stark naked. As he entered the village, the rain stopped as suddenly as it came and he quickly dressed himself.

A villager noticed that Nasruddin was dry as tinder despite the heavy shower of a few minutes ago. “Mullah, how come you are dry although it rained so heavily just a few minutes ago?” he inquired.

“Oh, I happen to have a very special donkey. It walked this way, that way and kept dodging all the raindrops,” Mullah fibbed.

The man was thoroughly impressed. Indeed, Mullah’s clothes were absolutely dry. “What a wonderful donkey you have,” the man said. “Would you be willing to sell him?”

“Well, I might consider a sale if I were offered a 100 gold coins,” Nasruddin feigned reluctance.

The man quickly counted 100 gold pieces lest Nasruddin changed his mind, mounted the donkey and disappeared in a thrice.

Later that day the man took the donkey out in the fields, when it began to rain. The donkey stood where it was and the man was drenched completely. He went straight to Nasruddin with the donkey.

“Why did you lie to me?” the man fumed. “The donkey doesn’t know a thing about dodging raindrops!”

“Not at all,” countered Mullah. “It’s just that you don’t know how to steer him.”

“Oh, yes! So let me see you steer the donkey while it dodges raindrops,” the man challenged.

“Now that’s not possible,” Mullah claimed. “It’s been so many hours since I’ve ridden him and I will have likely forgotten how to steer him!”

Never get taken in by outlandish claims of people. If you do get duped in this manner, don’t waste your time going back to claim a refund, as you will only end up making more of a fool of yourself and let the entire neighbourhood know how you got taken in.

******

Drinking the ocean

An old friend of Mullah Nasruddin, Habibullah was in the habit of consuming more drink than he could hold. On this evening, too, Habibullah was stoned to the gills. One of his friends commented: “Hey Habibullah! You can barely control yourself after a couple of drinks.”

“Nonshensh! Why, I could drink the entire ocean and that’s alshhoo the amount of wine I could drink!” Habibullah slurred.

“And how could you drink the entire ocean?” the friend challenged.

“It’s very shhimple. I will shhow you!” Habibullah declared.

“You can’t!” the friend insisted.

“You think shho? Then tomorrow we’ll go to the ocean and I’ll drink it all up!” the drunk Habibullah claimed.

So the bet was on for the next day. But as Habibullah staggered home, he began regaining his senses step by step and realised his foolishness in taking up a nonsensical bet.

“Omigosh! How will I drink the entire ocean tomorrow?” Habibullah worried. The more he thought about it, the more worried he got. So instead of going home, he staggered to his friend Mullah Nasruddin’s home. Once there, he narrated the sequence of events to Mullah and enquired how he could squeeze out of his self-created problem and avoid drinking the ocean.

Mullah told Habibullah not to worry, but go home and have a good night’s rest – his problem would be solved on the morrow without much fuss. Reassured Habibullah went home.

The next day, Habibullah and all his friends had gathered on the seafront. Mullah Nasruddin too was in attendance and had already whispered to Habibullah about what he should do to win his bet. “Okay, friends,” said Habibullah, “I’m ready to begin drinking the ocean. But before I do so, there’s just one minor problem you-all will have to take care of.”

“What’s that?” the friends enquired.

“Just stop all the streams and rivers from flowing into the ocean till the time that I’m emptying the ocean. Then I will drink every drop of it!”

The friends protested: “But that’s impossible! How can we stop all the rivers and streams from flowing into the ocean?”

“Then,” smirked Habibullah, casting Nasruddin a sly glance, “how do you expect me to drink and empty the ocean?”

When you ever do something stupid and are at a loss for some face-saving solution, turn to some friend or elder who is known for his or her wisdom. This could save the day for you, just as Nasruddin saved the day for Habibullah.

******

The donkey’s tail

Mullah Nasruddin was on his way to the market to sell his little donkey. The donkey was quite a lovely little creature. On the way, Nasruddin met several people who were also wending their way to the marketplace. “Mullah, where are going with that lovely little donkey?” everyone asked him.

“I’m off to the market to see if I can sell him,” Mullah revealed.

“That’s a really cute donkey and wouldn’t have any real trouble selling him, except that his tail is a little too long. If you fail to sell it, it will be only because of the tail. Had it not been for that long tail, your donkey would fetch a really high price,” was the general comment.

Now the donkey’s tail set Mullah thinking: “Well, if the defect lies only in the donkey’s tail, it should not be difficult to rectify it.” So in typical Mullah Nasruddin fashion, he cut off the tail and stuffed it into his saddlebag!

He continued on his merry way to the market and reached there before long. When people spied the beautiful donkey he was putting up for sale, everyone seemed eager to put in a word: “That’s a really lovely donkey. I would have loved to buy it, if only it had a tail.”

“Okay, okay,” said Nasruddin. “A little wheeling and dealing over the price is fine, but don’t you ever worry about its tail – I have it right here in my saddlebag!”

If faced with a problem of this kind, it is better to leave things alone, despite the comments that people make, for the tongue has no bone and will roll any way. Any solution to fix such a problem can only exacerbate it.

******

The donkey’s head

On one occasion, Nasruddin found a donkey’s head lying in the field. Buying five oki (a measure of weight) of silk, he wrapped the donkey’s head in this, and took the silk to the market to sell. This length of silk he then sold to a grocer.

The grocer wondered why Nasruddin was selling so much silk so cheap, since the bundle was very heavy: “This silk weighs really very much, Mullah. Is there something else here?”

“Oh yes!” Mullah responded sarcastically. “What do you suppose is inside – a donkey’s head?”

“Of course not!” the grocer said. Convinced the silk was fine, he paid for it and put the silk on his shop counter.

A few hours later, however, the silk was still on the counter, unsold. Gradually, the entire store began to stink. The grocer sniffed around, wondering where the foul odour was emanating from. He soon realised it was the silk Mullah Nasruddin had sold him. Quickly unwrapping the silk, he was shocked to find a donkey’s head in it!

A few days later, he ran into Mullah at the marketplace. “Mullah Nasruddin,” the grocer thundered, “I can’t believe you could be unscrupulous enough to sell me a donkey’s head wrapped in silk!”

“Unscrupulous?” Mullah shot back. “How can you say such a nasty thing? Didn’t I tell you there was a donkey’s head inside?”

Mullah used a clever ruse in selling the silk, by asking whether the grocer thought there was a donkey’s head inside. Naturally, such a statement only duped the grocer into thinking there was no donkey’s head in the silk! Although this is a ruse that can work on occasion while making a dishonest sale, dishonesty will only get you in trouble sooner or later and is best avoided.

******

The ‘reverse’ trick

Mullah Nasruddin and Maulana Asghar were constantly trying to outwit each other. More often than not, it was Mullah who outwitted Maulana Asghar. But there were times when Mullah had his off days and this was one such day.

Mullah Nasruddin was in the balcony of one of the neighbouring houses, when he noticed Maulana Asghar coming down the street. Knowing he would pass right beneath the neighbour’s balcony, Mullah decided to play a ‘reverse’ trick on Maulana Asghar. Just as the latter passed right beneath the balcony, Nasruddin threw a coin right in his path, sure that Maulana Asghar would smell a rat and refuse to pick up the coin for fear of making a fool of himself.

Maulana Asghar saw the coin thrown by Nasruddin, coolly bent down, picked it up, put it in his pocket and walked away without a second glance!

On occasion, we might try to act oversmart and pull a dummy trick on our traditional rival, confident that he will fear it’s a trick, avoid it and thus be fooled! But if our rival sees through the ruse, the joke will be at our expense, just as it happened with Mullah Nasruddin.

******

Just five fingers

Mullah Nasruddin was a sloppy eater and in the habit of eating as he pleased. One day while having dinner at a relative’s placed, somebody asked: “Mullah, why do you eat with all five fingers?”

“What a silly question,” Mullah retorted. “Obviously because I don’t have six fingers!”

Certain questions that could embarrass or humiliate the other person are better asked in private, or else we will have to be prepared for a blunt and stinging response.

******

The blunt axe

Mullah had been asked by his employer to cut down a huge oak tree. So he immediately got down to the task with the best axe available. However, after a couple of hours of sweat and toil, Mullah had barely made much progress.

Noticing this, a friend told him: “Mullah, why don’t you sharpen your axe?”

“I simply can’t afford the extra time it will require to do so. You see, I must cut down this huge oak tree by tomorrow morning!”

Many a times in life, we act foolishly and end up being penny wise and pound foolish. If we only took the time and trouble to step back for a moment and evaluate our efforts, we would save a lot more time, rather than losing it.

******

The sly ruling

There was a heated argument between Mullah Nasruddin and another man, one day. When things seemed to be getting out of hand, onlookers took both of them to the judge.

Standing before the judge, Mullah simply pointed to his left armpit, under which he seemed to be holding something.

The judge surmised that Nasruddin had brought some gift to bribe him and therefore ruled in Mullah’s favour.

After the ruling, when the other man left the courtroom, the judge quietly called Mullah over. “Mullah, I noticed your gesture. Now that everybody has left the courtroom, you can hand over the gift that you have brought for me,” the judge whispered.

“Gift? What gift?” Mullah deliberately spoke loudly. “I made no sign that I’d brought any gift along. I was just making it very clear to you that if you didn’t rule in my favour, I’d break your head with the rock I’d hidden under my armpit!”

People in positions of responsibility should never abuse the trust of common citizens. Else they will themselves be cheated or abused sooner than later and will be in no position to complain about the treatment meted out to them.

******

The boiled egg

A man was caught stealing a hardboiled egg. So his landlord grabbed him by the scruff of his neck and took him to the judge. The landlord was himself a crook and now got into his element.

“Your Lordship, had this tenant of mine not stolen that egg, it would have hatched a chick, which would have grown into a beautiful hen, which would have laid so many eggs in her normal lifespan. Therefore, my loss is much more than just an egg,” the landlord moaned.

The judge fell for this lame-duck argument and passed a harsh sentence on the thief.

Realising that there was perhaps only one man who could bale him out, the defendant rushed to meet Mullah Nasruddin and sought his advice. Mullah advised the man to put his name as one of the defence witnesses and he would handle the rest.

At the next hearing of the defendant’s appeal against the harsh decision, Mullah Nasruddin was summoned to court as a witness. However, Mullah happened to reach the court very late. The judge was livid and demanded to know why Mullah was so late.

“Your Lordship,” Mullah pleaded, “today was the day when I was supposed to boil the wheat before I planted it. That’s why I happened to reach here so late.”

“Mullah Nasruddin, what nonsense is this?” the judge thundered. “Can boiled wheat ever grow?”

Mullah smiled: “Your Lordship, if the landlord’s hardboiled egg can hatch into a chick, I see no reason why my boiled wheat should not grow!”

The judge got Mullah’s point, the defendant got justice and the landlord got his just desserts when the judge changed his ruling.

When somebody uses an inane argument to win his point or a ruling, a similar inane argument can be used to starkly highlight the foolishness of the unjust ruling.

******

The street-smart creditor

A man had to recover some money from Mullah Nasruddin and went looking for him. As he knocked on the door, Mullah went to answer the knock, peeped through a slit in the door and realised who it was – a creditor! So he quickly backed off, went and stood near the window and told his wife to tell the man he wasn’t home.

Mullah’s wife did as he bid and claimed that Nasruddin wasn’t home. The man backed away a few steps, noticed Mullah standing at the window and told his better half: “Tell Mullah Nasruddin that the next time he isn’t home, he shouldn’t spend time standing in front of the window!”

Whenever we lie, we must ensure that circumstantial evidence does not give us away. Or we will make fools of our family members who lie on our behalf, as well as of ourselves.

******

Mullah’s opportunism

There was a great famine sweeping the land and Mullah feared that if he didn’t do something soon, he too might be part of the statistics, what with hundreds dying by the day. He happened to be travelling at this juncture, when he heard that in a nearby town a prince had been stricken with some fatal disease. Realising that perhaps this was an opportunity he could capitalise on, he went to the town post-haste and asked to see the ill prince.

Having examined the prince, Mullah declared: “I know exactly what this disease is all about. Fetch me some bread, eggs, milk and honey immediately!”

The servants quickly placed all the desired items before Mullah. Nasruddin broke the bread, cracked the eggs and mixed it with the milk and honey. This done, he dipped the bread in the concoction and waved it before the eyes of the sick prince thrice. After this, he quickly wrapped up all the food items and left.

The very next day, the prince died. Mullah was quickly summoned to the prince’s quarters and admonished: “Mullah Nasruddin, what medicine did you administer that the prince who was alive yesterday is no more today?”

“Medicine?” Mullah’s face revealed surprise. “I didn’t use any medicine at all. I clearly realised that he was dying and there was no hope for him, but saw no reason why I should join him just because of my gnawing hunger!”

In times of extreme trouble, one way to survive is through unbridled opportunism. But this should never be done at the expense of another person. In this instance, the prince would have anyway died, so Mullah can be excused for capitalising on the situation.

******

The 999 gold coins

Mullah Nasruddin was leading a very poor existence. So he decided he would try to borrow some money from his rich neighbour. But the man was a miser and Mullah knew he would have to think up something really good to induce him to open his tight fists. So every morning Mullah would stand outside his door (within earshot of his rich neighbour) and pray: “Allah, send me one thousand gold coins. I am in great need. However, if you send me 999 gold coins, I will not take them but simply strew the coins on this path.”

This went on for days, weeks and months. Finally, the rich man was really curious to know whether Mullah really had it within him to resist taking 999 gold coins or not. So that night, the rich man decided to test Mullah’s resolve. He removed 999 gold coins from his safe and wrapped them in a silk handkerchief. Well past midnight, he sneaked near Mullah’s window and placed the silk handkerchief right next to his bed.

The next morning, when Mullah awoke, what should he notice but a silk handkerchief that was bulging with its heavy contents. He quickly untied the knot with anticipation and counted the gold coins. They were exactly 999! He knew full well where they had come from and thanked Allah for the success of his stratagem. Then he recalled his words of how he would deal with the gold pieces if they were only 999 and not a thousand. “Well,” the crafty Mullah reasoned, “although there are only 999 gold coins, the handkerchief is worth its weight in gold since it had contained all the gold! So that rounds off the figure to a thousand and I should gratefully accept what Allah has given!”

The whole of the next day, the rich neighbour waited for Mullah to strew the gold coins on the path; and the next day, and the next. However, there seemed no sign that Mullah was likely to oblige.

So a week later, the rich neighbour visited Mullah. “Listen Mullah, you kept praying to Allah to send you one thousand gold coins. And you received 999 gold coins, but I, not Allah, sent these coins. I only wanted to see whether you would really strew them onto the path if you received only 999.”

“Well, neighbour,” smiled Mullah, “while there where only 999 gold coins, the handkerchief was worth its weight in gold, which made it one thousand coins. So Allah responded to my call just as I had prayed to him.”

The neighbour was furious that Mullah had swindled him and was unwilling to return his gold coins. He therefore sued Mullah in court. A few days later, Mullah received a court summons.

The day they had to appear in court, the rich man went to Mullah: “What are you waiting for? It’s time we went to the court.”

“Oh, I’m such a poor man and it’s not possible for me to present myself in court in tattered clothes. If you will lend me some decent clothes and a horse, I’d be able to make it to court,” Mullah pleaded.

Since it was in his interests to see Mullah in court and as he was sure he’d win the case, he gave Mullah some good clothes and a horse. An hour later, they presented themselves before the judge.

“What made you sue your next-door neighbour?” the judge asked the rich man. “Has he committed some grave crime?”

So the rich man explained how Mullah had been praying for a thousand gold coins etc. But after receiving 999 gold coins, he had gone back on his promise to strew them on the road and thus cheated the rich man of part of his wealth. Throughout the rich man’s deposition, Mullah had remained silent.

Now the judge turned to him: “Mullah, what would you like to say in your defence?”

“Your Lordship, if you only listened to my neighbour, he would also probably claim that the clothes on my back weren’t mine, but his!”

The rich man quickly protested: “Those clothes are indeed mine!”

Mullah quickly continued: “Your Lordship, didn’t I tell you he would say that? Next, he will claim that the horse I’m riding is not mine, but his!”

“But the horse is mine!” the rich man railed.

“Your Lordship, do you see my point? He claims everything of mine as his!” Mullah cleverly added.

The judge was now clearly upset with the rich man: “So you think you can even claim the clothes that Mullah is wearing, do you?”

Naturally, the ruling was in Mullah Nasruddin’s favour. And through his ingenious stratagem, Mullah Nasruddin was richer by 999 gold coins, a new set of clothes and a horse!

No doubt, Mullah’s crafty plan worked with Swiss clockwork precision. But readers shouldn’t think that they could pull similar fast ones and get away with it. Crime detection and forensic science are too far advanced for conmen to get away with such tricks nowadays and anybody who tries such stunts would likely land up behind bars.

******

All right!

Mullah Nasruddin was playing the judge in a land dispute. He patiently listened to the advocate of one party present his claims. After the man had completed his arguments, Mullah responded: “That right.”

The other party’s advocate then presented his arguments, which were no less cogent than the first advocate’s. After hearing this man too patiently, Mullah said: “That right.”

Listening to Mullah’s pronouncements on both occasions, the court clerk said: “But your Lordship, they both can’t be right.”

Mullah Nasruddin agreed with his clerk: “That’s right!”

There are times when we sway with the wind and each time it blows in a different direction, we turn that way. In such cases, however, we can never play the arbiter, for this requires knowing how to differentiate between right and wrong and good and evil, besides knowing how to take a stand.

******

The money-minded doctor

Mullah was seriously ill on one occasion. His wife was very concerned and thinking that Mullah might die, she ran to fetch the doctor. “Doctor, doctor! My husband is gravely ill. We’re very poor and have many children. I’m afraid something might happen to him and then who will take care of the children?”

On hearing the word “poor”, the money-minded doctor replied, “Why do you create problems for honest doctors like me? Even if I prescribed medicine for him, how would you pay for it if you don’t have any money?”

So Mullah’s wife returned home and told Nasruddin about what the wretched doctor had said.

A few days later Nasruddin recovered. Soon, he headed off to meet doctor. “I’ve come to say ‘thank you’, since I’ve recovered, thanks to you,” Mullah told the doctor.

The doctor was puzzled: “How’s that? I didn’t treat you at all.”

“That’s the very reason I recovered! Had your ugly breath touched me that day, God knows which cemetery I would be lying in today!” Mullah snarled in the doctor’s face.

People in professions devoted to the common man should never place money above service. In the long term, this will earn them a bad reputation and their practice will invariably suffer.

******

The sheep’s head

As is well known, Mullah Nasruddin played the same incorrigible tricks in childhood that he did in later years. Once, his father gave him some money to buy roasted sheep’s head. On his way home, Nasruddin couldn’t resist the lip-smacking aroma and devoured the entire head except the skull bone.

“My boy, what’s that head?” his father queried.

“It’s a sheep’s head, father,” Nasruddin answered.

“Is it? Where are the ears, then?” his father wished to know.

“The poor thing happened to be deaf,” Nasruddin fibbed.

“What about its eyes?” his father persisted.

“Sadly, this sheep was blind,” Nasruddin continued in the same vein.

“Then where is its tongue?” By now his father’s temper was rising swiftly.

“This miserable animal had none, father!” Nasruddin held his argument.

“There’s also no meat on its face,” his father snapped.

“It was very skinny, father. It had the mange,” the boy claimed.

“Well, why on earth did you buy it, then?” his father demanded to know.

“Oh, father, it had the finest set of teeth!” Nasruddin pulled his final lie.

“And so do you, my boy! Until I get my hands on you, that is,” said his father, chasing Nasruddin as the boy fled outside the house.

A child’s antics will reveal something about what he will grow up to be in adult life. In Mullah Nasruddin’s case, it was clear from the beginning that the boy had a sharp mind and sharp tongue, which could be used for positive as well as negative deeds.

******

The wily boy Nasruddin

Even in his formative years, Mullah Nasruddin was as incorrigible as he was in his later years. Once when Nasruddin was just seven years old, he was making his way to school with a big bag filled with books. On the way, he happened to cross the path of the Sultan, who was in the habit of taking walks amongst the people incognito. By going in disguise and without a retinue of servants, the Sultan felt he was better able to understand the problems of his subjects.

Now, the Sultan stopped before Nasruddin: “My little boy, where are you headed?”

Not knowing the Sultan’s real identity, Nasruddin replied: “I’m off to school, Sir.”

“I see,” smiled the Sultan kindly. “Take this gold coin and buy yourself some candy.”

“I can’t do that,” Nasruddin said. “My father would ask me where I got it from and would then beat me up.”

“Don’t worry. Simply tell your father that the Sultan gave you this gold coin,” the incognito Sultan said.

“But my father wouldn’t believe me,” Nasruddin held firm, beginning to suspect who this stranger really was.

“And why wouldn’t he believe you, my boy?” the Sultan queried.

“Simply because the Sultan would never give anybody just one gold coin. Only if you gave me a sackful of gold coins would he really believe that the Sultan had given them to me!” the wily Nasruddin said.

The Sultan was astounded by the wisdom of the little boy, praised him and indeed gave him an entire sack filled with gold coins.

People who have some extra special talents in their later years are precocious in many cases. This is why the little Nasruddin revealed the same guile that he would display in his grown-up years.

******

The wise mule

Timur the Lame, the angry ghost of Genghis Khan, had vanquished Sultan Bayazid, the Thunder of Ankara, and placed him in an iron cage. A new, terrible Badshah would now rule them and the citizens were frightened beyond measure. The good people of Aksehir rushed to pack their meagre belongings and ran about in all directions like headless chicken. “The new king is coming! Flee! Flee for your lives!” they said.

Only Mullah Nasruddin was resting peacefully under his porch, in the shade of the vine, sipping honey-sweet tea and talking with his donkey. The frightened villagers gathered by Mullah’s fence, wondering about his strange, unconcerned behaviour: “What are you doing, Mullah? Don’t you want to flee before the enemy arrives?”

“I am conferring with my loyal donkey!” explained Nasruddin. “He just recalled a tale of Aesop, my ancestor, who lived here a thousand years before us, when our land was still called Phrygia. The tale goes thus…

“A peasant was grazing his mule by the gates of the fortress when they heard a great noise of weapons and shields. ‘Let’s run before the enemy catches us!’ the peasant told his mule.

‘Will they load me with two saddles instead of one?’ the mule asked.

‘How could they be so stupid – there is only place for one saddle on your back!” replied the peasant.

‘If this is so, then you can run away and I can stay!’ replied the wise mule.”

Indeed, for a mule it would make no difference who was ruling the kingdom. Likewise, for the truly poor it makes no difference which political party or dispensation comes to power, since their sole concern is ensuring a meal to keep them going.

******

Quarrelling wives

Since his religion permitted him to have more than one wife, Mullah took a second wife who was younger than the first one. One evening he returned home to find both quarrelling about whom Mullah loved more.

At first, Mullah said he loved them both, but neither was satisfied with his answer. Then the older one asked: “Well, just suppose the three of us were in a boat, and it developed a leak and began to sink. Which of us would you try to save first?”

Mullah thought for a moment and then told his older wife: “My dear, you know to swim, don’t you?”

It is always difficult to handle one wife – and two are double trouble, as Mullah learnt on more than one occasion. But being the smart Alec that he was, he knew how to wriggle out of such situations time and again.

******

The testy fox

Mullah Nasruddin was sitting by the watercourse under a wizened old willow tree, meditating on the vicissitudes of life. As he was lost in thought, a fox passed by and fell into the water. A strong current almost drowned her. As she battled the fierce currents her energy kept ebbing, but somehow she kept up the struggle. Exhausted and drenched to the bone she was lucky enough to grab a passing log with her teeth. Finally, she managed to drag herself onto the banks of the river.

As she rested here, a bunch of leeches found an opportunity to latch onto the fox’s hide and feast merrily on her blood. Noticing the fox’s misfortune, our good Samaritan Mullah Nasruddin decided to help.

So he set about pulling all the awful leeches out of her body one by one. “I’m sure this will be of much help to you,” Mullah told the fox.

“No, you fool! Stop doing this!” the fox snarled.

“Why?” asked the perplexed Nasruddin. “I’m only trying to lessen your misery.”

“Why? You stupid fool! Don’t you see that the leeches have already filled my back? If you take away these leeches, new, hungry ones will come and suck my blood with fresh appetite! It’s better to leave the ones already there, as they have had their fill.”

It is usually not a good idea to offer unsolicited advice or help to another person. More often than not, instead of thanks you will earn abuse in return. Only if your help is specifically sought should you go out of your way to help someone. This will be more appreciated.

******

Quarrelling wives again!

Nasruddin’s two wives were constantly asking him which one of them was his favourite. “I love you both equally,” was his stock answer, but they were never satisfied with this and asked him repeatedly: “Which one of us do you love the most?”

Finally, he secretly gave each of them a blue bead, instructing each woman that she should tell no one about the gift.

After that, whenever either of the wives would ask him, “Which one of us is your favourite wife?” he would answer, “I love best the one to whom I gave the blue bead,” and each was satisfied!

For those who have more than one wife, this seems to be the best way out! Otherwise, both wives could make a man’s life miserable. But for true peace of mind, it is best to have one wife!

******

The obedient dervish

In the marketplace, Mullah Nasruddin was teaching his followers in Konya how to live by their wit, wisdom and foresight. He told them that those who heeded his words would be happy in life. A wandering dervish in the audience grew irritated that everyone was looking on with open-mouthed admiration at such a simpleton. So he shouted from the crowd: “They listen to you for the one-eyed is king in the land of the blind. But I can tell you one thing: Here is one man you cannot move with cunning words. And even less will I obey a fool like you!”

“Is that so?” mused Mullah. “Then why don’t you come up here to prove it?”

The dervish consented and mounted on the podium ready to disprove Mullah. Bowing respectfully, Nasruddin invited him: “Please take your place here on my left.”

The dervish politely did so, bowing in return.

“No! Not here,” said Mullah, changing his mind and bowing again, “stand here on my right side.”

The dervish bowed back with dignity and moved to the right.

“You know,” concluded Mullah, smirking, “despite what you claimed, I think you are a nice obedient person! Why don’t you return to your place in the audience and let me continue with my teaching?”

The audience burst into peals of laughter, realising how Mullah had subtly tricked the oversmart dervish, who quietly slunk away in embarrassment.

When we make challenging assertions before a live audience, we should ensure we know what we are getting into, or else we will end up making public fools of ourselves, like the dervish did by inadvertently obeying all of Mullah’s wishes.

******

Mullah’s contrary mother-in-law

A neighbour came rushing to Nasruddin’s house with the tragic news that his mother-in-law had been washing her clothes in the river when she fell into the water and drowned. “And we cannot find her body,” the man continued breathless. “We searched everywhere downstream for her, but without any success.”

“Actually, you should have searched upstream,” replied Mullah. “My mother-in-law was such a contrary person that she would never have gone with the flow but against it!”

Many men would make such acerbic comments about their mother-in-law, whether this were true or not. Mullah Nasruddin was no exception. However, never ever make such comments in the presence of your wife – or there will be hell to pay!

******

The stone soup

It was a late and cold winter day and the wandering Mullah Nasruddin was homeless and hungry. The cold wind and the looting Mongol hordes had blown away even the little chance of hospitality a pilgrim might have expected on the road. Farmers shut themselves behind their walls, with relatives, servants and livestock all hoping to forget the harsh world outside. Under the circumstances, nobody would offer a poor hungry traveller the charity of some food and a warm, sheltered bed for the night.

After almost a dozen doors had been slammed in his face, Mullah Nasruddin tried a different tack… He knocked on the tall wooden doors of a rich household on the hillside.

“Allah help you,” said a servant from inside, “but we have nothing to give today!”

“A master cook of the sultans doesn’t need much,” Nasruddin replied. “Only a cauldron of water to prepare my stone soup.”

“Stone soup!” the inhabitants were intrigued.

During the cold winter months, the evenings were long and people were always eager to amuse themselves with strange accounts. So they let him in.

“Pray, let me have a cauldron of fresh water on the fire,” said Mullah.

So they gave him the water and lit a fire. Mullah then removed a carefully wrapped river stone from his bag. He washed the stone thoroughly and placed it in the water to boil. The whole household gathered around to see the “stone soup” being prepared.

After a while, Mullah borrowed a large spoon and tasted the broth: “Umm! Very good! It needs just one pinch of salt while it simmers.”

So they passed him the salt.

Soon, Mullah tried the soup again and exclaimed: “Good indeed!”

All this seemed amazing and people grew very interested. Nasruddin had another sip and repeated: “Good indeed! What we should add now is some herbs and vegetables to round everything up for a most savoury stone soup.”

By this time everyone was very curious. They brought him the best spices and vegetables of the season. When the vegetables were well boiled, Mullah licked the broth from the spoon and exclaimed: “This is one delicious stone soup, of the kind you taste once in a lifetime! It is really worth adding some meat to it. Do you happen to have a fat bone around by any chance?”

The hosts were quite excited with this stone soup and someone quickly brought a big meaty marrowbone. Mullah placed the bone by the stone and everybody waited with pregnant expectation. In due course the soup was ready.

Mullah served the soup to his expectant hosts and did not forget to help himself with a generous serving and, of course, with the marrowbone! Everybody was so pleased to have such a delicious soup prepared from so little that nobody realised how Mullah had craftily turned the stone soup into mutton soup!

When we are faced with a crisis, an ingenious solution could help solve our problem, with the generous help of even unwilling people, without the latter ever realising how we have made use of them. It only requires a dash of common sense with dollops of creativity added for extra advantage to fill our stomachs.

******

The reading mule

Timur the Lame had once bought a mule from a celebrated poet when he was sacking the city of Baghdad. Later, he asked all his courtiers how he could get the best services out of this priceless mule. All the courtiers were silent, so Mullah Nasruddin decided to speak and save the day (and a few heads, which would surely have rolled had Timur’s question remained unanswered!).

“Your Highness, by an old secret incantation, I could teach this precious beast to read! It will be done in no more than three weeks, Inshallah! I only need some secluded quarters with full provisions for the noble student and for myself,” Mullah claimed.

“Granted!” said Timur.

For three weeks Mullah enjoyed good food and a quiet time at a royal retreat. As for the mule, it had much less to eat. Instead of hay or straw, several times each day Mullah presented the hungry animal with a large book, Ibn Khaldoun’s Muqaddima, written in beautiful Arabic calligraphy. Between the pages he scattered tasty grains of rye. After two weeks of fasting the mule became very interested in the book and was able to pick out the grain from between the erudite pages.

The day came when Timur remembered (he always remembered!) to have the reading mule produced before him. Nasruddin stepped forward with the big leather-bound book under his arm. He bowed with deep respect to Timur, opened the book right there and the mule was then brought in.

The clever animal rushed to the book and skilfully proceeded to turn the pages with his tongue! As he didn’t find any rye to eat, he turned many more pages and gave various signs that the text was disappointing.

“Here is the proof!” exclaimed Nasruddin. “Under our very eyes my student reads page after page!”

Timur smiled weakly, pondered and decided: “Perhaps it reads. But how do we know, as it doesn’t speak?”

“Your thought becomes my order O Highness!” replied Mullah bravely. “With your blessings, it will take ten years of my hard work – with only a modest pension – and, of course, good food ordered for the two of us. Let my head be where my feet are if I don’t teach him.”

“I desire that you teach this mule to speak like a man,” Timur ruled. “If you fail, your head will speak from a pole to other cheeky liars!”

With this, Timur left.

“How imprudent you are, my poor man,” said the Grand Vizier. “You will lose the bet and your head with it. Timur has no mercy for fools.”

“Not at all!” murmured Nasruddin. “We should not worry about this. The great Timur is 63 years old. I am quite old myself and the mule is pretty aged. Before ten years pass, I may die, the mule may die or Timur may die. Any one of the three is good enough to save my skin!”

Yet again, Mullah saves the day and his skin by his quick thinking. Likewise, in everyday situations too, we can save the day if we are creative and ingenious.

******

Robe down the stairs

A neighbour noticed a bruised and limping Mullah in the marketplace. “My dear friend, what happened to you?” asked the neighbour.

Answered Mullah: “Last night my wife was very angry and kicked my robe down the stairs.”

“But how could that have caused your injuries?” queried the perplexed neighbour.

“I happened to be in the robe when she kicked it down the stairs!” explained Mullah ruefully.

When you meet with an unfortunate “accident”, just as Mullah did, it is better to be economical with the truth, in order to avoid embarrassment. Only if the questioner probes deeper should you reveal the real facts.

******

The second wife

Since the Koran allowed a Muslim to have more than one wife, Mullah Nasruddin decided to take a second wife. Mullah had heard about a widow who, although very ugly, was very wealthy too. This seemed a perfect trade-off for Mullah, since the money would come in handy for him to venture into some business. Through some common friends, Nasruddin expressed his desire to marry the ugly woman. Naturally, the woman jumped at the opportunity to marry a known personality like Nasruddin.

After marriage, as per the prevalent custom, the second wife inquired from Mullah about which relatives in the family she could reveal her face to and to which relatives she couldn’t expose her face.

Replied Nasruddin: “Begum, you have full permission to show your face to all my relatives, as long as you ensure you hide your face from me!”

Those who marry purely for money will display the same crass attitude that Mullah displays in this story. In such situations, the wife means nothing to the husband – her money or dowry does.

******

The ‘pregnant’ daughter

For the past few days, Mullah Nasruddin had been repeatedly trying to sell his cow in the marketplace, without any success. A week later, a man who dealt in livestock noticed that Mullah came to the marketplace everyday with the same heifer and inquired why he was unable to sell her. Mullah explained that nothing he did to sell her worked, and the cow was now turning into a white elephant.

“Worry not,” said the man. “Just come with me and I will show you how to do things.”

At the marketplace, the man began to praise the heifer to the skies before prospective buyers: “I know the mother of this heifer. She’s a sweet, timid cow who gives lots of creamy, pure white milk. The heifer will surely be like her mother, very gentle, very good. This heifer has been pregnant six months…”

Within minutes, the heifer was sold! Mullah was impressed with the man’s skill and memorised his words and technique.

Now it so happened that Mullah Nasruddin had an unmarried daughter and try as he and his wife would, they could not find a proper match for her.

One day, several young men were scheduled to visit their home to see Nasruddin’s daughter. As the young men took their seats, Mullah began to praise his daughter: “My daughter is indeed very good, timid like her mother, and she gives creamy, pure white milk, and she has been pregnant for six months!”

Within seconds, all the suitors had taken off like rockets on hearing this! Mullah’s wife was livid: “Why on earth did you have to say such stupid things to the suitors?!”

“If you don’t sing the praises of a heifer, you’ll never be able to sell her. The same principle holds true for daughters!” Mullah retorted in all seriousness.

While an excellent sales technique may work like magic in one category of goods or services, you cannot blindly apply the same logic or technique elsewhere. Otherwise, you will un-sell your goods rather than sell them.

******

Timur’s court jester

Timur the Lame was sick and tired of flatterers at his court, who were ever ready to lie and say whatever he wished to hear. He loved to know the truth but people never dared tell him this. So the fearsome Sultan sent a firman across the empire to summon a jester who would tell him the whole truth and nothing but the truth.

“Let people with genuine humour come to me freely, my royal tent is wide open, day and night. I will ask each of them one question. The sincere will be safe, but the one who lies will have his head cut off! He who speaks the truth I will take into my service, garb in silk and feed at my tables. And his kin and town will be spared when I advance on them.”

A few tried. All lost their heads. Whatever they said bored the Sultan and he ruled: “What you say is a lie!” and added their skulls to one of his fearsome minarets.

The people of Aksehir talked Mullah into trying his own luck for the sake of their beloved town. So Mullah made the long journey to Timur’s encampment. As soon as he had entered the presence of the awesome conqueror, Nasruddin shouted: “Inshallah! I will be beheaded!”

“You are lying!” declared an impatient Timur. And to ensure there was no escape route for Mullah, he added: “And whatever you are about to say is false.”

To this, Nasruddin replied with a wide smile: “The Infallible Timur has spoken truly!”

In this manner, whatever Timur said, Mullah gave a reply that the lame conqueror couldn’t refute! This is how Timur the Lame was forced to appoint Mullah Nasruddin as his Court Jester.

Even in impossible situations, it is possible to survive. But for this we require the luck of the devil and the wisdom of Mullah Nasruddin. The above encounter is a classic example of how to escape a fearsome tyrant by using irrefutable answers.

******

Hell and heaven

One early morning, Timur the Lame sent for Nasruddin. “Listen,” he bellowed, “I could not sleep at all last night. I kept thinking about Hell and Heaven trying to figure out how those places could be. But there was a veil in my mind’s eye. I thought I should give you a chance to teach me about the kingdoms of the after-world, or – in case you don’t know anything – to send you to find out for me. Get what I mean?”

Mullah looked the Sultan square in the eye and said: “You don’t need to know both those places, you old thief. And who are you, but a lame duck with a rusty sword, unworthy of even raising such questions about unworldly issues?”

Blazing with anger, Timur drew his deadly sword to knock off Mullah’s insolent head. He flung Nasruddin on his knees. The curved blade rose above Mullah swiftly.

“Now this,” said Mullah hastily, catching the eye of the Sultan, “this is Hell!”

Timur – as fast in understanding as he was short in temper – understood the point and was pleased. A smile crossed his lips. “You are forgiven because of this teaching. I reward you with a sack of gold, a maiden from my harem to keep your heart aglow and new silk robes, as you will need them. Rise and sit on my right side, Mullah.”

“And this is Heaven, Your Highness!” exclaimed Mullah, taking his seat by the feet of Timur.

When dealing with tyrants who can kill at the drop of a hat, we should ensure that for every word that we utter, we have a quick and ready response to save the day and our life, in case the bully takes our remarks amiss. The same principle can be applied when dealing with our boss and no-nonsense elders.

******

The precise dates

An Egyptian guide was taking a party round the Pyramids. “This one here is five thousand years old,” the guide revealed.

Unfortunately for the guide, Mullah happened to be amongst the group of tourists. “You are mistaken,” said Mullah Nasruddin, “for it is five thousand and three years old.”

Everyone was impressed, but the guide was not pleased. Some time later, they had landed up at a museum. “This vase,” said the guide, “is two thousand five hundred years old.”

“Two thousand five hundred and three,” intoned Nasruddin.

“Now look here,” snapped the guide, “how can you date things so precisely?”

“Simple,” said Nasruddin. “I was last here three years ago. And at that time you said the vase was two thousand five hundred years old!”

Mullah Nasruddin could be a pain in the neck for many a person and tour guides were no exception. But this is the kind of prank even a layman could pull, although it would hardly be in good taste and only earn the prankster dirty stares from the victim – or even a punch on the nose!

******

The measured response

One day, Mrs Nasruddin asked Mullah to go to the market and buy a length of cloth of exactly one arshin (a measure of length). “And, begum, how am I to know exactly how much an arshin is?”

“Please spread your hands out,” his better half said. So Mullah spread his hands across.

“From here to here is exactly one arshin,” his wife explained.

Nasruddin set out for the marketplace with his hands spread exactly one arshin apart so he wouldn’t forget. He was concentrating so hard on this measurement that he didn’t watch where he was going and fell into a well!

A passer-by heard Nasruddin’s cries for help and called into the well: “Put your hand out and I’ll pull you up.”

“No, I’ll forget how long an arshin is,” insisted Mullah Nasruddin even in this moment of crisis, as he still had his hands outstretched. “Pull me up by my beard!”

There are times when we taken illogical things too far. This can only get us into serious and not-so-serious trouble. For all problems, it is better to use logical solutions rather than illogical ones.

******

The land speaks

A man who owned a field once left it in the care of another man, as he had to go on a pilgrimage. The second man took good care of the land, ploughing, weeding, planting and harvesting it. When the owner returned, he told the second man who had taken care of his land: “Thank you very much. I will now take charge of my land once again.”

The other man now refused to hand over the land: “No, this land now belongs to me. You were the owner, but I am the one who has taken care of the land all this while. So the land is now mine.”

They began to fight raucously, until the neighbours intervened and took them before the judge to settle the dispute. The judge happened to be Mullah Nasruddin. Each man claimed: “The land is mine! It belongs to me!”

Unperturbed, Mullah walked to the field, lay down in the dirt and put his ear to the ground. “What are you doing, Nasruddin?” the two men asked.

“I’m listening,” Mullah replied.

“What are you listening to?” they wondered.

“The land!” Nasruddin said gravely.

Both men burst out laughing at Nasruddin. “Listening to the land? Whoever heard of such a thing! So, what does the land have to say?”

Mullah looked up in all seriousness and replied: “The land says that neither of you own the land, but both of you belong to it!”

It is a fact that we come from the earth and return to Mother Earth. The earth is the common heritage of all creatures that inhabit it, but it is only Man who labours under the fallacy that he “owns” Mother Earth.

******

Convincing the rich

It so happened that one year Nasruddin was appointed the Qazi (judge) of Aksehir. With the eagerness of the new broom, the newly appointed judge was impatient to rid the town of all ills.

Khadidja, his wife, came from the market and told him: “This morning I saw a man in rags falling down in a faint by the melon stall. So weak was he! This is sad. The poor get poorer everyday and the rich grow richer. Why let some people remain hungry and angry while their neighbours grow filthy rich? This earth under our feet can feed all the people many times over. Besides, what good is it to heap coins one on top of the other? You must go and tell everybody to share their riches like real brethren and true believers.”

Mullah loved the idea. He was out the whole of the next day talking to people, going house-to-house, in the market and all other places, including the mosque. He explained to everyone the duty of sharing until his throat went dry and hoarse.

Late in the evening, Nasruddin returned home exhausted but satisfied. “Begum,” he said, “half of the work is done. In only one day I have convinced all the poor of the town. Now only the other half remains to be done by convincing the rich!”

This is a typical Mullah feat – acting without thinking. In whatever we do, placing the cart before the horse will get us nowhere. We must join issue with the perpetrators of injustice, not with the victims, if we seek to bring about social transformation.

******

The sultan’s tear

The Spanish envoy, Clavijo, offered Timur a precious chest full of barbarian presents. Among the daggers with jewelled hilts, Toledo swords, scarlet brocade, unknown Christian saints’ icons and heavy chains of gold, there was a rare device, a superbly polished silver mirror. In that mirror Timur looked at his own royal face and did not like what he saw. A tear escaped from his hawkish eye and quickly ran across the ravaged battlefield of his face and settled in his fearsome beard.

Mullah Nasruddin prostrated at the Sultan’s feet and burst into loud tears and laments. Timur was first impressed but Mullah went on and on until Timur grew annoyed: “Don’t go too far, Mullah! What do you think you are doing?”

“But Your Majesty, you only saw your worshipped face for a split second and you had a tear in your eye. But we, your humble subjects, have to look at your face for hours, daily, year after year!”

Although no one would have dared answer Timur in such outlandish fashion, Mullah Nasruddin was capable of pulling off some risky responses. It was this attitude of wily risk-taking that saw Mullah go places. So, remember: Nothing ventured, nothing gained.

******

Mullah’s land

On one of his numerous travels abroad, Mullah was caught lying to the people of that country. He was arrested and taken to court, which ruled that he be deported immediately and barred from entering the country again.

So Mullah returned to his hometown. He then filled a huge bottle with dust. Soon, he returned to the other country and began to spread the dust in front of him, as he spread lies to the people once again. He was stopped by the townspeople: “Didn’t we tell you to leave, return to your home town and never come back here?”

“You did. But I have the dust of my hometown right here in this bottle! So I’m walking on my land – not yours!” the incorrigible Mullah insisted.

If you are barred from doing something or debarred from visiting a land, there will always be loopholes you could exploit. Mullah Nasruddin seemed very good at doing just that.

******

Timur and Mullah

Mullah was strolling through the market of Konya, unconcerned that Timur the Lame had conquered his land. But the people were scared to open their purses, what with Timur’s soldiers roaming the country.

“What will befall us?” asked a vendor who was selling ripe melons.

“Timur is looting everything, even the graveyards,” added a cobbler.

“He burns towns to the ground and builds minarets of severed heads,” added a voice from behind a Persian carpet.

A party of strangers, faces veiled in dark cloaks, came closer and listened to this conversation. “Have trust,” said Nasruddin, “that lame duck with his bloody, rattling sword will rot before he reaches this sunny place. Allah’s whip will strike him dead soundlessly.”

One of the strangers, a dark, fearsome man, stepped forward: “You who speak of Allah’s whip, do you know who I am?”

Mullah did not know.

“It so happens that I am Sultan Timur, the lame duck you desire to see dead!” the man bellowed.

“And you,” replied an unruffled Nasruddin, looking straight into the man’s eyes, “do you know who I am?”

“No!” said the puzzled Timur.

“Allah be praised!” exclaimed the relieved Mullah and disappeared into the crowd within the twinkle of an eye!

Even if our strongest adversary catches us unawares, we can still get away in one piece if we keep our wits about us. There was no way that Timur could track down a strange man whom he knew nothing about, in a strange land, and Mullah took full advantage of this. We could do this in real life in many situations too, as long as we keep our cool.

******

Allah’s servant

One day Nasruddin caught a dervish stealing figs in his orchard. As he grabbed the fakir by the neck he shouted: “What do you think you are doing here, sheikh?”

“Nothing wrong,” answered the Sufi with insolent confidence. “I am Allah’s loving servant, feeding on the fruit of Allah’s tree in Allah’s garden!”

“Is that so?” growled Mullah and proceeded to beat him black and blue with a wooden stick he had handy.

“Wicked sinner!” screamed the dervish. “How do you dare raise your hand upon a saint? Don’t you see what you are doing?”

“Nothing wrong,” replied Mullah. “I am just hitting the servant of Allah, with the stick of Allah, under the tree of Allah, simply to preserve the garden of Allah!”

A tit-for-tat response serves the purpose best when dealing with insolent people, howsoever high or low they may be. This puts them squarely in their place.

******

Precautionary queries

The bazaar was so crowded that it seemed more like a colony of lemmings, with everyone stepping on the other. Nasruddin addressed a tall young man next to him: “May I salute you, young master! Aren’t you by any chance the Imam’s nephew?”

“Not at all!” he answered.

“The son of the Qazi, maybe?” Mullah probed.

“Certainly not!” he protested.

“One of Timur’s protégés?” Mullah persisted.

“Nothing of that sort, my good old man,” the young man replied condescendingly.

“In that case, you son of an adulterous bitch, step off my toe before I hit you right in your stupid face!” Mullah snarled.

There will be occasions when somebody may offend us in public. But before we get down to teaching the other person a lesson, we should ensure we don’t take on more than we can chew. Mullah does this very cleverly and having ensured there was nothing to fear from the background or antecedents of the young man, he abused him roundly.

******

The value of patience

Timur the Lame was ageing and wished to ensure that his place in history was secured. So he called his favourite jester Mullah Nasruddin to come and answer his queries. “Tell me Mullah,” he said, “what do I need to do to be remembered as a great ruler?”

“You have all the gifts in the universe but only need a little more patience, my Lord,” replied Mullah.

“I see,” said the Sultan, “and what else do I need?”

“To keep your calm and composure, Your Highness,” continued Nasruddin.

“Okay,” said Timur, “and what else?”

“Never grow tired while listening, O Master,” Mullah said.

“Is that all?” Timur queried.

“More than anything you must be patient, O Sultan,” Mullah continued.

“That’s enough!” Timur said, his patience beginning to be tested.

“Patience and an even temper will lay the world at your feet, O Great One!” Mullah seemed to ignore the message on Timur’s face.

The Sultan was livid: “Are you mocking me, you scoundrel? How many times will you repeat the same stupid thing? You imply I am too dumb to understand? Guards! Seize him and place his head on the chopping block!” the Sultan thundered.

“You see what I mean?” whispered Mullah. “I only repeated a simple piece of good advice a couple of times and you already lost your patience!”

Once again, Timur got the point and Mullah Nasruddin got away by the skin of his teeth.

Yet again, the point about quick thinking comes across. Wit and quick thinking can indeed pull us out of trouble repeatedly. But it would be better still to avoid trouble of such kind!

******

The wind breaker

A young guest of Mullah Nasruddin once passed wind, but quickly masked the sound by scraping his shoe across the floor at the same time.

“You did very well to cover up that sound with your squeaky shoe,” said Nasruddin. “But you forgot to mask the smell!”

When a young guest forgets himself and indulges in a “natural” act, it is best to be diplomatic and ignore the happening. But Mullah Nasruddin is never able to resist making some acerbic comment or the other. However, we should refrain from this, else we will have friends whom we could count on the fingertips of our right hand.

******

God speaks

As Timur sat alone with his favourite jester Nasruddin, he felt a surge of inspiration. In that moment of privacy, he confessed a great truth: “God speaks to me!”

Mullah Nasruddin looked at him sceptically and answered sternly: “I didn’t say anything!”

There are moments when even ordinary mortals begin to flatter themselves that they are infallible or happen to be God. But we must always remember that although God is always within us, we are but an infinitesimal spark of the Eternal Flame.

source https://booksrup.com/epubpreview/getfile/288/L3Zhci93d3cvaHRtbC91cGxvYWRfZmlsZXMvYm9va3MvMjg4L3VzZXJfcHJldmlldy9PRUJQUy9UZXh0L1Nhd2hfZXB1Yl9jMDFfcjEuaHRt