Unlike atheists, Muslims are rarely depicted on any kind of spectrum of religiosity — it’s kind of an all-or-nothing label. A Google image search for “muslims in America” is dominated by photos of individuals either protesting or kneeling in prayer. Almost all of the women are wearing headscarves. People like me are noticeably absent. (And don’t even get me started on popular culture where the words Muslim and Arab are used interchangeably to depict billionaires, bombers, and belly dancers.)

​Last month, I spent a week with my family who live in Downey, a sleepy grid of streets in southern California. Like most trips to see relatives, it was long overdue (13 years, to be exact), familiar (aside from the kitchen cupboards and the height of the children, nothing had changed), and predictably, comfortably, boring (as all trips are where you spend more time on your butt then your feet). One evening, my cousin Huda came through the door, preceded by her running 6 year-old son Hassanain and followed by her husband — she looked red-faced as she pulled off her jacket and headscarf.

When I asked her if she was OK, she said that she was just hot, that she had been playing soccer with Hassanain in the park. She paused and added, “There were some teenagers there … they started shouting things.” She continued, “They said, ‘Don’t pretend to be an angel, you can’t play soccer and wear that thing.'” My face immediately showed my anger but Huda quickly laughed to calm me and explained, “They think that when you wear this thing, you’re a nun or something.” When Americans fail to understand that religiosity is every bit as personal and nuanced for Muslims as it is for Christians, it’s no wonder so many struggle to distinguish us from extremists who politicize Islam.

If it’s assumed that headscarves and prayers show how Muslims think they are religiously perfect, then there’s going to be a problem. Because it’s easy to dislike someone you think is acting all “holier than thou” — and it’s easy to suspect they’ve got something to hide. And of course we do! All the same little dirty secrets of lust, greed, and envy that families across America hide every day.

Earlier this year, I wrote an article for FiveThirtyEight.com, where I worked at the time, that looked at the strong correlation between familiarity with Muslims and favorability. The piece, which was titled “Americans Are More Likely To Like Muslims If They Know One” was up for about 24 hours before editors decided to switch off the comments. It was the first time since we had launched the site a year before that comments had to be disabled — and as far as I know, the same decision hasn’t been made since then.

Here are a few of the responses I got before the comments were switched off (I’ve pasted these in verbatim, with misspellings of my name intact):

Monica Challabi, Americans are in NO Way like Muslims……….its obvious your perception of “Red White Blue” is very much distorted. You seriously need counseling and therapy or perhaps you should leave the United States and go live in “Camel Ville” say, you can even get yourself a goat and call it your BFF.

More muslim propaganda. If one really gets to know a muslims they will not like them. Muslims cannot be trusted and they have their own religious agenda. They believe they are superior to you. Muslims are not like us.

Mona: BS; I have known “many” muslims and they all lie like dogs; have NO respect for Christians; and they detest jews. Being a WASP and having many jewish friends I find their hatred of Jews disgusting.

Oh ya I want to like a person that belongs to a religious group that wants to kill me and my Christian family! I don’t think so, move back to a Muslim country if you want to feel good. I don’t like your relgion, you may be a nice person but not someone I want to be friends with.

Since the site uses Facebook comments, these people published their thoughts publicly, with their full name, photo and in some cases, even where they worked. It might be a handful of Internet haters but their words reveal so much more than a number on Pew’s “feeling thermometer.” They show that dislike of Muslims and distrust of Muslims are almost indistinguishable feelings.

And because most people conflate religion, race, immigration, and language, that distrust extends to groups who aren’t even necessarily Muslim. Last month, a passenger at Chicago’s Midway airport complained to security personnel about being afraid to fly after hearing Maher Khalil talking Arabic with a friend who was also boarding the plane. The 29-year-old Philadelphia pizza shop owner (Khalil that is, not the complainer) and his friend were asked to step aside and were questioned by airport security and the police before eventually being allowed to take the flight.​

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