Source: Forbes

By Peggy Drexler Contributor: I write about gender, work and the modern family.

I wrote about the increase in the numbers of “queen bees” in the workplace, women who aim to undermine or push aside their female employees out of insecurity, competitiveness, or some inherent unwillingness to help other women. As more and more females rise to management positions, their same-sex employees are reporting with greater frequency incidents of bullying, verbal abuse, and job sabotage. This may be why, according to Gallup, American employees prefer their bosses male, and not by a small margin.

But while it’s easy—or at least commonplace—to blame women on top for being over-demanding despots and unwilling mentors, is that the reality? Not quite. The truth is that intolerance among women is entirely mutual, and women are just as difficult for women to employ as they are for women to report to.

Female subordinates are often less respectful of, and deferential to, their female bosses than they are to their male bosses. They question more, push back, and expect a certain level of familiarity or camaraderie that they don’t expect from the men. This speaks to the long tradition of women being notoriously hypercritical of one another, an assertion proven by science: a study published in the journalPsychological Science concluded that women form a negative view of other women in their lives—including friends, co-workers, and, yes, bosses—far more quickly and freely than men do of other men.

Research confirms that female employees hold their female managers to different standards than they do their male managers, as noted in a 2008 study published in the British Journal of Management. They’re more likely to reject female bosses who behave in a traditionally managerial way, or “like a man,” but when the manager is a man? Not an issue. This may be because we’re still stuck on old societal expectations about the role of women serving men. Or it may be that some women use the occasion of a female boss’s success to turn the critical eye on themselves. When that doesn’t feel good, they turn it back on “the bitch in the corner office.”

Being a female boss is a classic Catch-22. For women to succeed, they have to be different, extraordinary, and not too emotional. But for them to be respected by their female employees, it seems these women also need to be relatable, likable, and “just like everyone else.” When they’re not, there’s major backlash.

There are many women who fit the profile of the queen bee. But women are also likely to label one another as such when they aren’t, according to the British Journal of Management study. Women often expect women bosses to run the office like they might run a household. When they run it like an actual business many women feel betrayed.  Do successful women have an obligation to be liked? No more so than successful men. Nor do they have a responsibility to represent all women, or even some women. As we look at the rise of females in charge, there’s been speculation of a future of kinder, gentler work environments. Maybe that will happen, maybe it won’t. But guaranteed, the onus isn’t on the queen bee alone. It’s on her worker bees as well.

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